Friends Who Are Foes

I have never once stated that choosing to live a positive life is without it’s challenges, there’s just too many variable factors that can play into our daily lives.  (Free Will) Some people exercise their free will to deliberately not chose happiness.  Sometimes those people go even further to extend their Free Will to not only NOT chose happiness, but punish you because you did.

Recently I’ve been through some shit.  When that happens I have a pattern that I’m trying to break.  Pattern breaks down as follows;

  1. “Oh no she/he didn’t”
  2.  Don’t say anything, just let the resentment build up for months.
  3. Talk about it will all other unaffected and probably disinterested parties to figure out what I should do.
  4. Stew over it but be polite to the offending party whenever we are in the same vicinity.
  5. Snap.

To my credit, the people that have had to succumb to the above did not tick me off over any trivial means, I promise you it’s nothing over anything like a borrowed dress I didn’t get back.  The reason the friendships were terminated was over big and heavy duty things.  Unfortunately, I can only attempt to help out or guide for so long before I’m starting to get pulled down too. When I start to go down, I sever ties completely. I don’t care if we’ve been friends for 3 months, 30 years, if we are related or if we are married.

When enough is enough, it’s enough.

The day that I snapped, it was over 3 long time friendships coming to an end. My attempt to slowly back away from yet another co-dependent friendship, was taking way too long for my mental well being.  It was common with this friendship, as well as the others that surrounded it, to obsess and complain non-stop over their toxic marriages.  There was one that mirrored mine and she would constantly ask me for help or opinions. I would give them, she would do the direct opposite, come running to me with disappointment, and proceed to suck the life out of me.  To add fuel to the fire, there was alcohol involved whenever we were all together.  I realized the night I set up a simple board game night at my apartment that these friends were nearing trouble with alcoholism when 3 cases of beer, a bottle of Jager, and assorted bottles of whiskey came through my apartment door…on a Tuesday night.  I wanted out of these draining and emotionally one sided “friendships”.

One person I tried to talk to when she emailed me. I simply told her that I was concerned with how much she drank and her willingness to mix them with prescription medication.  I never heard from her again.  The other two, let’s just say that I wasn’t as diplomatic.  But what I learned is that when I can’t get people to pick up on my queues, follow my lead or give me space to address concerns, I burn shit down.  Or at least I used to…I’m working on it.

You have the right to quit Toxic People. (They’re contagious.) ~Dr. SunWolf

Let it be known that I don’t judge these people.  I accept each and every person for who they are, however I do not accept them for inside of my life.  I have built myself a nice blanket fort for my life, and I reserve the right to discriminate against who comes in based on their behavior.  I also take full responsibility for the all of the fall out. I take the blame for not speaking up sooner.  For not sticking up for myself when I felt used.  I accept full responsibility for harboring bad feelings and then letting them explode in which they did. I should have been forthright, true to my spirit and my obsession of simplifying my life.

I knew for a long time before this happened that I had to break away from these people.  These types of unbalanced relationships with me acting as the “teacher” never work for me. I stay in these relationships because believe it or not I don’t like confrontation. I’m good at confrontation, but I don’t like it. I’m of the avoidance type of girl, and no, I know that ain’t good either.  I don’t regret ending the relationships, I only regret not doing it in a more dignified way.

If there is one thing to learn here, it’s that communication solves everything. This is not to say that you, the other party, or both won’t be hurt, but there is a way to mitigate the damage. I have found that it is very hard when you change your life, and continue to strive to change for the better to hold on to some friendships that may not want to evolve themselves. It’s unfortunate, but not all of your interpersonal relationships will support you.  They may feel left out and abandoned by you because they rarely see themselves for who and what they really are, and once you decide to live more positively you will.  your true friends will be people who wish to see you succeed by pushing you and cheering you on, or at the very least not stand in your way.

I wish nothing but the best for everyone. Being acutely self aware and knowing what types of personalities I want in my life comes with weird territory; someone is going to be let down.  Learn from me and speak up.  Speak up and speak with love as doing so is never wrong, no matter the other person’s perception.

~ J

 

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