When you surround yourself with good people, you won’t be knocked off your path, or be wobbly, or self doubt for long…
I just had the perfect weekend. It was a wonderful and needed respite after a otherwise twisted and intense month. I have been out of sorts for awhile now. It felt like life was trying to run me over. I was eating horribly, I felt tired, weak, and I was falling asleep on Michael in mid-conversation. I was also forgoing riding my horse for just cleaning my barn, feeding, and going home to sit in my confusion over my life’s purpose. Is it writing? Is it speaking? Is it writing and speaking? I want to write a book…but about what?
~ Sometimes you have to know when to fold ’em…
Friday was the kick off of me turning it all around. Michael and my friend Tina basically told me to cool it. Michael and I were sitting outside with our friends and I started fretting about this and that. Then I realized, why don’t I just listen to them? What is meant to be will always come to you, and not one moment sooner. So I took a deep breath, said a little prayer, and let go of any attachment to the outcomes that I have painted, in detail, in my head. All of a sudden, it was the best night I’ve had in a very long time. About six of Michael and I’s friends ended up in a hilarious and intense battle of uno until the wee hours, impromptu on my front porch. We all laughed so hard we had tears in our eyes and we don’t remember over what. We celebrated life and the fact that we are friends. That card table pulled out the basement, with mis-matched chairs from all of our porches and decks, an Iphone boom box, a deck of cards and our night was complete.
Saturday I literally bounced out of bed, thanked God for a beautiful day, got coffee and headed to the barn. Later in the afternoon, I took a moment to take my shoes off and walk through one of our fields. I sat in the woods for a while, with my horse and listened to her breathe, and swish her tail. I cleared my mind and my soul. Then I worked up a good sweat physically cleaning my barn, which I equate to cleaning my mind even more. A friend of mine stopped by the barn and she and I took turns hopping on and off Scarlett showing each other different jumping techniques. I had the ride of my life. Taking a 1600 pound animal over a fence is a needed physical release of adrenaline and a much needed flood of dopamine to my brain. I came home a better partner to Michael. I was present, quiet, loving, SANE. It was back to the intellectually stimulating conversations while making dinner, back to the cracking inside jokes, back to the hugs for no reason in the middle of the kitchen.
I know from much lived experience that you attract what/who you are. Ask any of my younger friends, (who take my advice to heart), all I walk around saying is that you CANNOT LOVE ANYONE BEFORE YOU LOVE YOURSELF. This does not mean you will not wobble, or that you will not doubt yourself sometimes. It does not mean that you will never get insecure. But when you love yourself first, you will only surround yourself with good people and emotionally healthy people. When you surround yourself with good people, you won’t be knocked off your path, or be wobbly, or self doubt for long. Just like my friends, just like Michael, they will point it out to you in a loving way that you can do better for yourself than what you are. They will help you get you back on track. Those that don’t want you to succeed, no matter what they tell you, secretly they will keep you off of your right track when you fall off, even if they do it subconsciously, because they don’t want you to evolve. Misery truly loves company.
With that said, I am officially back. I have my friends, and especially Michael to thank for this one. I did all the work beforehand, but suffered a bout of “amnesia”. It was my friend’s love and guidance that got my mojo back. God already has his plan for me, all I have to do is pay attention. All I have to do is let go, do the very best that I can everyday, be myself, and have love and faith in my heart. And when times get tough, play uno.