When You Give Up, You Get Everything

There comes a point in life where all you want is to just live a decent life. Fame, expensive things, and the rat race no longer appeal to you, and you just want simple. You want to be a good person, with good friends, a good job, a good family, and in love with a good partner. You learn that a Benz doesn’t keep you warm at night, and the sexy half naked guy in your bed with his arms wide open ready to spoon you into dreamland is all you really need in order to die happy – and fulfilled. This is just one of the many images that make up my life.  I have found that the love that you gain from true healthy relationships, friends and partner, will actually radiate off of you for others to feel. There are these magical moments with Michael or my friend Christina, where I can actually feel the transference of energy without us even touching. If I were to walk away from him or her, and stand next to you, you would be able to feel the warmth radiating off of me like a furnace. Love, like all emotions, is energy. Knowing that it is a scientific fact that energy begets energy, I have become ever mindful of what kind of energy I am radiating. When this first happen to me while with Michael and someone commented on it, the first thing I thought of is that it’s GOD.  From the beginning, I just knew that Michael and I had God in our relationship, and there was no way we could fail. I had a deep knowing that Michael is the one for me, and that knowing led me to surrender our relationship to God…or maybe vice versa.  For just a few short months before we met, I had surrendered my love life to God.

My love life was the first thing that I surrendered on to God. There was nothing else left for me to do.  I was out of ideas, it wasn’t working no matter how hard I tried.  The day that I surrendered to God, I had stopped trying.  Turns out that was the problem the whole time…I was trying too hard, and I did not let God get involved.  Now that I have, what God gave me in return is a beautiful, loving, nurturing and supportive relationship, along with a deep knowing that Michael will be accompanying me on my journey forever.  But the future really isn’t foreseeable now is it? It’s not our plan, it’s God’s plan.  Well another benefit of surrendering to God is that I’ve accepted this fact too.  If Michael and I were to come to the end of our journey together next week, I would have to trust in God that it is for a good reason that I do not yet know about.  I would remember my beautiful lessons, cherish my memories and release any attachment to outcome.  Enacting my deep belief in Buddhist philosophy, a chance to practice what I preach: “attachment to outcome causes suffering.” It’s God’s plan, let it go.

“God’s plan”. What does that even mean? I’ve heard this now since I’m 5, which is the earliest I can remember my Catholic upbringing. In all my years growing up in a devout Catholic family, 4 years in a Catholic high school, and in the last 8 years practicing Buddhism, worshiping in non-denominational churches, and chanting with the Sanga, I still had no clue what this meant. Repetition, for me does not necessarily mean that I’ll understand it – I still don’t have my multiplication tables memorized. With the whole “God thing”, I didn’t “get it” until I was meant to get it.  Once I understood what God to me meant, it still took me an ever loving long time to put it into practice because it means giving up control.  You have to surrender. Walk in blind faith. Patience, love, and service to God, yourself, and humanity is all that you need in order to walk around this planet, everything will fall in place for us if we just take a few steps each day.  It’s so simple that it’s scary. It means that we as a society have over complicated everything and “letting go” is what we need to put us right again. Living simply, living positively, living in the “now”.

I understand how this sounds. It feels funny and it’s hard to do at first. You feel like people are watching you and judging. Some people are in fact watching, but their watching out of curiosity. They feel compelled by you to change as well. To act, to create, to love. You can be an “agent of change” someone who shows others that change is beautiful and meant to be embraced. You can’t run away from life your whole life, you have to stop and look around you. What have you created? What have you put in place for yourself? Do you love your job, or are you just making money? When you make that money, are you fulfilled? Do you invest in experiences? To you invest in good people doing good things? Who do you have around you? Have you nurtured healthy relationships and surrounded yourself with the second key factor in living a good life – which is good people? If not, change it.  Now.  Close your eyes and visualize your ideal life. Think of every single detail, soak in the feelings that you feel while your thinking of your true life, pay attention to your body responses, your gut feelings. What does your ideal life feel like? Who is with you, where are you and what are you doing? What are the sounds you hear, the smells that you smell. You will find that when you are doing this, you are allowing your authentic self to supersede your ego. For once, who you really are gets the lime light over your nay-saying ego. You tap into your intuition, your divinity and authenticity. You tap into God. It’s private time with you and your creator – and the possibilities are endless. You get to ask questions and more importantly, you get answers. You walk away with a deep knowing that something is happening here, but it is not your job to put together the how, or whys, that His job. All you have to do is ask for guidance. Invite your Creator and your angels and your higher self along with you in your day to day. Saying something as simple as “walk with me today guys. I need you. Please step in and intercede if I step off my path today, I give you permission.”

If there is one thing that I have learned in my recent lessons, it is that there are no coincidences. There is a synchronicity to everything. When something is “meant” to happen, it feels serendipitous, and you’re in awe. That is God and his plan for you coming together. You feel that click, you get a clear vision that in that moment, you are living your divine life’s purpose. At that moment, you “get it”. Everything you have ever been through, every tear, disappointment, and strife, has been just as much of a gift as every birth, tear of happiness, feeling of joy and love.

See, we are born with this ability to love at all times. To create and be creative. Think of a child, how they act, how they play, the kinds of questions that they ask.  We were once like that too, but somewhere along the way, most of us lost that natural ability to just live, just be. We got sidetracked with rules, and expectations – most which were not even our own. Most of us created a live around what we think our life should be and not what we really want…I know I did. The good news is that it’s not too late. It’s never too late to find out who you really are, it’s a life long process anyway.

For me, I waited to change.  I put it off like most people put off overwhelming and daunting tasks.  I waited until it was unavoidable and there was no other option for me but to relinquish all control.  It was last year, almost to the day.  I had been on my journey for a few years but hit a major personal roadblock.  I was taking a shower and crying.  They crying became uncontrollable, then all of a sudden, I hit my knees.  I felt that snap inside of me and just exclaimed for all of my neighborhood to hear: “I GIVE THE FUCK UP!” “It is all you now Lord, you got me!” “What do you want to do with me?!” That’s all that I had to do because I, just like you, already have inside of me what it takes to live my dream life.  Now, let me tell you something else, your dream life is so far beyond your wildest ideology that you can’t even wrap your mind around what’s really in store for you if you just let…go…and…let…God. Give up control, it’s an illusion anyway. I know it’s hard because as the clay you want to ask the potter what you’re going to be – but that’s the genius of it all…everyday is a surprise. A new day in your journey, another piece to the puzzle that you are putting together. Everyday is a treasure hunt for the next clue in the gorgeous game of crafting your true life’s purpose. Along the way, you get to see beauty, and wonderment, all while slowly crafting this true purpose of your even being here. It happens a little at a time, pay attention. Enjoy the process. Whatever God has in store for you, you can’t do a better job than him, so why would you even want to try?

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