The Dignified Breakup: Goodbye Ego!


Latin for “I”. Greek for “I”. Often used in English to refer to “Self”. As in distinguishing your self, from others. I am ____ because I have more ___ than that person does. I am ___ because I have less ____ than that person does. The ego seeks to separate us, and separation and disconnect from people, from God, from Source…is what actually ends up causing our fear, our anxiety, and ultimately our downfall. We struggle to keep up with our own ego, and listening to it rather than our authentic or higher self that actually knows better and seeks to make us all connected. As part of The Anatomy of The New Break Up, the next step is to examine the ego.

  • Surrender the Ego

Ego’s don’t work in a relationship. If you are continuously concerned with distinguishing yourself from everyone else, how is a relationship with anyone going to work? My ego used to have me running around trying to explain myself all the time. Attempting to get people to see it “my way” a.k.a the right way. I never wanted to be challenged or misunderstood. My ego wanted everyone to see the big picture as I saw it and perception just doesn’t work that way. Our life, our upbringing, our past experiences…they all play into our unique perception.

The rule that I have found in a successful relationship, as well as in a successful life, is to shut the ego up. Stop letting your mind drive your life experience and instead, let the heart do it.  It knows what it’s doing.  At first, the less that I paid attention to my ego, the louder it got. My authentic self would tell me to keep being me no matter what, and my ego would have me worried that I would be left or argued with. I would become frustrated and an absolute bitch.

“If you want to reach a state of bliss, then go beyond your ego
and the internal dialogue. Make a decision to relinquish the
need to control, the need to be approved, and the need to judge.
Those are the three things the ego is doing all the time.
It’s very important to be aware of them every time they come up.”
~ Deepak Chopra

My main man Deepak is a smart dude. But now comes the question of how. How do I stop my ego? How do I keep from running back to what is not working just to soothe my discomfort? This is different, and individual for everyone. There are so many resources and people that can help, but ultimately it comes from within. You have to create space and quiet and listen to that little voice inside of you and allow it to become louder and have more influence in your life. Just like a muscle, you have to exercise it to give it strength and flexibility. For me it started with meditation but for someone else it can be taking up sewing.  There is no hard or fast rule on how to get quiet, it’s just that you do get quiet.

Life is a gift.  A journey full of things you don’t even know about yet.  Remember, someone left your life…you didn’t leave your life.  This is now about you so surrender so you can go find out anything and everything for yourself.




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