You can create anything. You can create the perfect business for your talents and financial goals, the perfect marriage for you to be in, the perfect career that you adore, the perfect family to nurture and love…but can you sustain it? Can you maintain your success through not only the good times, but the bad? The only thing that stands in the way of us creating what we want and sustaining what we have attained is fear.
Fear – is a distressing negative sensation induced by a perceived threat
The key word in that definition is perceived. Which is “the interpretation of sensory information in order to fabricate a mental representation.” The key word in that definition is interpretation, or the “assignment of meanings of symbols.” And more than likely, where does your meaning that you assign to symbols come from? Your childhood? Your own personal experiences? Your environment? Your own personal beliefs? The beliefs that you’ve adopted because you’ve never challenged them? Society? All of the above, and on and on and on.
Compound your own perceptions and your own interpretations with the fact that we live in a fear based society that continually plays upon our fears and you can see the challenge that lies before us. The television shows and general media that portray life “as it should be” according to someone else’s agenda making us fearful that if our lives don’t look a certain way, we’ll be ostracized. Have you ever watched a commercial for anything having to do with babies? The adult in the ad always has a wedding ring on. Have you ever seen a commercial for a home mortgage? It’s always a husband and a wife. This doesn’t play into women (and some men’s) insecurities and fears at all?
How about drug commercials – being of staunch belief that western medicine and eastern medicine should be partners, they’re always my favorite. Fear illness and pop numerous pills despite the fact that the human body is equipt with everything necessary to heal if you help it along. The constant negative fear based news that we watch at 11:00 pm right as we’re attempting to go to bed…after triple checking the locks on our doors and windows. We fear police, the IRS, and authority in general. We fear people with beliefs different than ours because they may bomb us. Attempt to walk into a Courthouse or an airport and you can see how fearful we’ve become as a society. We fear not making the right career choice, we fear not being liked by others, we fear death – which will happen anyway regardless how we feel about it. All the while, we fail to realize that living in panic and fear will create your reality. Consistently operating out of fear blocks love. It blocks creativity and it forces us to make decisions based out of fear or the negative sensation induced by a perceived threat.
I have made many decisions based out of fear and I can tell you for certain that it just doesn’t work. It’s a “band-aid”. It works momentarily, sometimes it works for years but ultimately the band-aid loses it’s stick and you’re bleeding again. Sometimes this is where we end up “back there again” in our rut. More often than not, fear based decisions are made because we’re trying to avoid something. We’re trying to avoid a feeling, or a past event that we haven’t looked into or rectified in our minds or in our hearts, or an event or feeling that could possibly happen. What an exhausting way to live.
The only way to stop living in and making decisions out fear is to EMPOWER yourself. The confidence that you gain is life changing and you can finally gain what it is you deserve out of life because you’re no longer blocking it. All things – all great things that anyone desires comes from love. Loving yourself comes from love. The partnership of your dreams, comes from love. The job that you awake everyday excited to get to, comes from love. The friendships that you create, comes from love. Forgiving your past, and applying any perceived lessons to your future, comes from love. Peace…comes from love. All of the above is my definition of success.
Once you have all that you desire, you have to sustain it. Staying EMPOWERED is tough, it’s even more difficult when you face adversity. How do you remain living through love and not resort to fear if you’re diagnosed with an illness or your marriage is falling apart? Especially when abandoning fear and moving with love is the only thing that’s going to help? It takes soul searching – which some people are unwilling to do. It takes feeling your feelings and examining your fears to finally understand the underlying factor, and stopping to examine what it is that you truly want.
Recently I came to an impasse with someone, and I could not figure out for the life of me what the real reason for the conflict stemmed from. This person does not know me very well and I started to fear that any conclusions this person came to about me were based on some sort of judgement that is not at all me. Then there was a second and then a third impasse and to make matters worse all three people were linked together. I started to feel “ganged up on” and despite the numerous people that care for, support, and love me, all I could think about were these three people. I started to ditch those that care and are going out of their way for me so that I could either sit down and think about these three, or talk about them and the situation with a trusted (impartial & non-judgmental) friend. My fears began to consume me and I blamed everyone else for my bad mood. I began to make assumptions and gather unconfirmed facts based on my imagination running wild and I could not calm down about it.
The reality is that it is not these three people that are the issue, it is my fear of rejection. My fear of rejection stems from something that happened to me in my childhood years where I was bullied. I’ve written about this before. Now that I have recognized my fear, I can do the work to replace the fear with love. Love people – all people, even if they mis understand you. You are not responsible for their own interpretation of you. That is my solution to my perceived problem. There will be other challenges in the months ahead as is true for the rest of my life, but at least I can use this small blip in the road to prepare and help me practice for the bigger ones.
I recently came across a speaker by the name of Crystal Andrus, a world wide leader in the field of self-discovery and personal transformation, as well as the founder of the S.W.A.T Institute and author of Simply Empowered. I underwent her 21 day Sustain Success tele-course and most definitely gained from it. I’m still shaky but day by day I put her knowledge to good use. Most recently, and the inspiration for this post, her 5 rules for what a true solution is for when you examine your fear and chose to turn it into a resolution and a learning tool in order for you to sustain your success;
First and foremost: “The past is the past…even the immediate past is the past.” “Empowered people make their decisions swiftly and confidently based on their gut and recognize that the past is behind them and does not define them.”
The 5 Mandatory Rules for Solutions
1. Solutions are meant to bring you closer to relief.
– You know that “ahhh” feeling that you have when you finally realize that the problem is no longer a problem and it is now resolved? Like the weight has been lifted off your shoulders? A solution will make you feel that way or will bring you closer to that feeling.
2. Solutions alleviate pain.
– See above.
3. “Bandages” never work long term.
– Bandages can also be known as “sweeping it under the rug”. The dirt is still there. Like bandages, the wound is still there.
4. Solutions are not always what you want. “You sometimes have to allow for the unknown to unfold and surrender your idea of what you feel the resolution should look like.”
– Odds are it will happen how it is supposed to in it’s own divine time and will be a learning experience for all.
5. Solutions NEVER forsake your own dignity, your own respect, your own needs, or your own values. “Solutions that hurt you in anyway are not solutions – you’re actually poisoning yourself and the situation.”
– I can’t think of a better breeding ground for resentment. Solutions must be win win – everyone involved must feel that relief and no one can walk away in pain. Sometimes the solution doesn’t come fast or easy. It takes laying it all out and an intention to work on it. Sometimes over the course of several days, weeks, or months. But there must be commitment to move forward and to do the work. Wether it’s just an inner problem you face with yourself, or it’s a divorce, or it’s a full scale legal mediation.
Peace and prospertiy can be created, attained, and sustained but like all things good and great it takes sweat equity and living from your heart at all times dispite the fearful energy we are around. Always love. And when you think you cannot possibly love more, love even more. There is nothing to fear. Fear is an illusion set forth from our imagination and/or our Ego. Our pasts, other people’s pasts, and our illusions do not define us and in fact help us to self-limit. When you move through love, and speak through love you will never be wrong my friends – because love is the closest thing to perfect that we have besides God.
Your guided public philosopher,