How to deal with a (life joy) assassin

Challenging Personality Series – Fundamentally unhappy people

Those who know me know that I have been lucky enough to be fairly well accomplished in my short life span.  I have also been lucky enough to fail enough times, both at my own hand and at the hand of others, to learn multiple valuable lessons about this process called life. I have made large amounts of money, and I have lost it all, every single dime. I have been a well paid corporate executive thinking that is where my happiness was hiding and I became immediately and sorely disappointed. I have been married in an elaborate wedding that girls dream about all their lives, and 5 years later, I have sat in my law office late at night, with a bottle of wine and drafted my own divorce decree. I have graced a magazine as one of the most eligible bachelorettes in my state, and I have been dateless and alone. I know life, or rather I know my life. I know how tricky it can be and how cruel it can be when you forget the top three things in this journey: God, yourself, and your family.

The 5 longest and most trying years of my life where I forgot God, myself, and wasn’t as attentive to my family, ended with me coming to the realization that without God, I will never be who I am meant to be nor will I live the life that I am meant to live. And by not living my true life’s purpose, my life was going to stay rocky. Despite a lovely upbringing where I was taught to make up my own mind and follow my own destiny, I had let myself down. Eventually, but not until I was “humbled” and forced to, I stopped with the self-pity, the doubt, the insecurity, and playing the blame game and finally took personal responsibility, and I was greatly rewarded. Among those rewards was my love, and now our son. However, no matter who you are, as soon as your life begins to mirror who you truly are, someone will be out to intentionally or unintentionally sabotage your joy. You will lose “friends” as I have written about before. There are so many multi-faceted reasons as to why this happens and if you are anything like me, it will be hard not to take it personal. In my case, there were a very small group of people that attempted to assassinate my joy, three to be exact. Not a large enough number for most people to be concerned with – but a large enough populous if you are as sensitive as I am. Unfortunately, I allowed them to steal my joy and instead replace it with fear and anxiety. This may or may have already happened to you. It may bring about a depression like it did me or knock you completely off your life’s path, but you must remember that there is a life lesson in that as well.

I recently heard a quote that I just can’t get out of my head, it states;

People like to bring up your past when your present and your future look brighter than theirs.

In other words, misery loves company. Why do people do this this? In my experience, it comes down to a few things:

It is easier to remain stagnant and upset with life and sabotage you then to face the uncertainty of change and find their own bliss

Not that I’m a huge fan of change either, but I’m working on it because I now know that I would rather change than stay unhappy. I would rather look deep down inside of myself into the unexamined and bring it to light to confront it and be weird for a little while, than to go on for years in pain.


If people are insecure in anyway, then they will most definitely shy away from change.  The desire to stay in a comfort zone so not to stick out, even if their comfort zone is starting to suck, is much more appealing than all out change.  Insecurity goes way beyond not liking your thighs or your weird pinky toe, insecurity runs deep, very deep. It must be confronted, faced, and released. Some are insecure that people may find out that they are not as smart as they let on, they don’t have as much cash as they let people believe, they don’t think that they are as attractive or their marriage is as perfect as they try to convince the world otherwise.  What these people fail to understand is that the world already knows what their insecurities are. You cannot cover insecurities because the harder that you try, the more they come forth for all to see.  Like a glaring blinking neon sign.

It is much easier to blame everyone else for their poor attitude and point out other’s pasts than to examine their own past hurts, limiting beliefs, and personal traumas. You can add (unexamined) jealousy and anger into this category too

We can never escape pain. As spiritual beings having a human experience, we are put here to feel and last time I checked pain, disappointment, anxiety, sadness, uncertainty, and anger are all feelings. They just happen to be the feelings that we seek to avoid because they don’t feel as good as joy, happiness, pride, accomplishment, love, peace, and tranquility. Avoidance of feelings is also why we become addicted to pain medications, anti-anxiety drugs, alcohol, gambling, sex, food, TV. Anything that takes our mind off of the fact that we are not feeling joy. Emotionally healthy people will sit with their feelings and attempt to examine the root cause of them instead of taking it out on others. This isn’t easy, in fact it can be down right pride swallowing but it is in fact the only way to lead a happy and healthy life.

I can never understand why people who seek to steal my joy don’t realize that I already know life without it and why they fail to see how hard I have worked to make it so I never have to be without joy again.  Mostly, I am always surprised that they do not recognize that they can do it too.  However, just as there is a lesson in everything, my recent scrape with the joy assassins coupled with all of experiences mentioned earlier, I have learned this truth: The truth is, whenever we take issue with someone it is because there is something in us that is unexamined. The truth is, whenever we take issue with someone it is because there is something in us that is unexamined. The truth is, whenever we take issue with someone it is because there is something in us that is unexamined. One more time, the truth is, whenever we take issue with someone it is because there is something in us that is unexamined.

In my case, my joy assassins had something to do with my un-confronted fear of rejection and fear of “sticking out” with my bold personality. Only they will know what it is about me that triggers their unexamined…I already have my speculations because I once sat where they sat. Only time will prove my hypothesis right or wrong, and I have full faith that they will come around and all will be well.  In the meantime, I cannot give up my power to anyone because no one deserves to take it from me.  I cannot snuff my inner light that I have spent countless hours in deep contemplation, months in toil, and a decade of soul searching strengthening. I can only hope that by not wavering in my joy I can in turn begin a ripple effect of joy that reaches them as well.