Living in the Moment & Surrounded by Chaos

If you are new to my blog, I invite you to go back to post #1 and then come back here.  In less than two years I went from happy single, to meeting the love of my life, (not without challenges) and now I am a new mother. I used to be pretty controlling and very “Type A”, planning everything into detail. Then I got pregnant with Dylan, and nothing attempts to teach you more about surrendering control then pregnancy and child birth. This isn’t to say that I didn’t still attempt to control once Dylan was born. Why the very notebook that I first jotted notes for this post into has an hour by hour play by play of diaper changes and feeding times in my attempt to find some sort of baby pattern. I finally relinquished control when it once and for all dawned on me that there is no pattern to infants. In my opinion, there probably shouldn’t be either. Once we decided to just be “at his service” instead, the end result was a very happy baby.

Since Michael and I have fully adapted this thought process, we have been fortunate enough to have caught every single milestone thus far. The majority of which we have on camera, all the while still flourishing in our jobs and hobbies, spending time with family and friends, and most importantly, nurturing our romantic relationship. While we weren’t busy micromanaging in sync with a clock, a beautiful life has unfolded before our very eyes. For me, Dylan put into motion what I already knew and practiced before I was a mother and life partner, yet had forgotten for a bit, which is that there is always enough time when you slow down and live in the moment and follow your heart.

The day I got confirmation of this was a Sunday morning, and I was attempting to not be more than 2 hours late to a family function now that there is a child (and stuff) in tow. Michael had worked late the night before and was asleep. Dylan was fed and awake and now on a time frame, my make up and hair had to be done so I broke our rule about him being in his car seat carrier inside the house. I was attempting to put make up on while rocking him with my foot, thinking about my “to do” list in my head…make bottles, pack the diaper bag, my upcoming speaking engagement, etc. Once I put him down for his mid-morning nap, I attempted to do my list while I was cooking breakfast, washing dishes/making bottles/packing diapers/feeding the dog/posting on Facebook from my blackberry/talking to my mom on the phone/picking out next day work clothes/organizing my briefcase/writing notes for an upcoming presentation, and I…well…I burnt the bacon! With the fire alarm going off, house filled with smoke, the dog barking, Michael rudely awakened, and Dylan now up, it was the straw that broke the proverbial camel’s back as we still ended up being 2 hours late to the party. I couldn’t understand where all of my rushing was coming from. I had been so centered and in the moment while on maternity leave. But I knew that my leave had to come to an end, I’m not the kind of person that would want to forgo indulging myself in my writing and my career along side of child rearing. I had built such a name for myself in my profession, surely I could do both and still be just as centered and happy as I was on maternity. Right? RIGHT?!

It wasn’t more than a few days later when my Babytalk magazine came in that I caught an interview with Pregnant in Heels Star, Rosie Pope. Rosie was asked: “Can a working mom have it all?” where she responded: “You can have it all but not all at one time. Some days are great work days and some days are great family days. It is too much pressure to make it happen every day.” Thank you Rosie. For if there is any women who is an iconic wonder/business women it is her. The guru has spoken. Later that day, Michael and I sat out on the deck while Dylan napped and we talked more about my sudden need to rush and cram things into a day and all that I have come to learn that I need to re-learned about balance. I told him that for weeks I’ve been thinking about starting a blog based around heart-centered parenting and a certain name kept coming to me. “I want to call it Burnt Bacon” I said. He instantly started to laugh out loud. He knew exactly where I was going with my project idea without me having to say anything else.

The “living from your heart” part of my mantra that I had remembered that I had forgotten came from my OB/Gyn Dr. Mamberg. Dr. Mamberg is much loved by Michael and I, we pretty much worship the ground he walks on. Despite Michael’s hectic schedule with launching his company, my love never, not once missed a baby doctor appointment and consequently, the three of us developed a very solid relationship. The day after Dylan was born, Dr. Mamberg came in to see me on his rotation. True to the relationship that we all have built, he sat and chatted with me for a bit. As he was leaving, he turned and put his hand over his heart and said “always follow your heart.” He was speaking in terms of parenting and pediatric advice, be he knows that I’m smart enough to gather that he is also implying some words of wisdom on the subject of life.

You see, living in the moment and following your heart go hand in hand. You literally cannot do one without doing the other. The reason why so many people don’t do either can come down to a deficit in self trust. Not so long ago when I was in my “un-examined life” phase, it was because I wasn’t trusting my own instinct. I did not trust what my heart had to say. It wasn’t until I moved closer to God that I was able to live from my heart. Once I had proved to myself enough times that my intuition was sound, and in fact Divine guidance, every aspect of my life changed for the better. My career took off with hardly any effort except just doing my job to the best of my ability…because I didn’t question my judgement. Consequently, neither did anyone else because I moved with such confidence.. I fell in love with Michael…because I followed my instincts, allowed myself to be authentic and he was able to get to know the real me. My friendships and family relationships got even tighter because I followed my intuition, dropped my guard and wasn’t afraid of forming bonds. All of the above only happened when I came into my own by re-learning how to love and respect myself, and by truly honoring who I am as a person and what it is that I stand for. I went through a few very trying times and challenged everything that I have come to know so far and I honestly believe that every bit of the above makes for a great parent. I had lost some of that before Dylan and just as Dylan was born. I was hyper focusing on things that were outside of my control and on things that just were not important. It’s a lot of work learning how to live in the moment and live from the heart when it should be very easy to do, but we often lose our way by letting judgement, and other unimportant factors impede on us. But no one ever said it would be easy did they? No. They only said it would be worth it.

Days are hectic, even when you’re in the moment, there are still places to be by certain times. Time management for me used to be about how much multi-tasking I could fit into an hour and it only frazzled me and I have to really wonder if any of what I did honored my talent, or was it half-assed. Now that I know better, I can do better. This isn’t to say that there are not tests through out the day. Even though while writing this Michael has called me from the infant aisle of Babies ‘R Us and I’m struggling to get this long awaited post up before Dylan awakes for his last bottle of the night, I follow my own advice and stop what I am doing to give my loving partner the attention that he rightfully deserves from me. Guess what? Everything still got done. Even after our conversation, another bottle, and a 15 minute cuddle before Dylan turned in for the night. It can be done. So, I now I am guided by my heart and follow it 99% of the time, same goes for living in the moment. The other 1%? Well…I burn the bacon. Luckily, there’s a learning curve.