Therapy = Home Renovations & Other Metaphors for Life

I am a very deep thinker, and today I am sad.  The human mind has the ability to take this combo and run completely away.   We’re taught from very early on to try and change our feelings whenever they are anything but “good” ones.  We’re told to “snap out of it”, or to “go and get our mind off of it”, whatever “it” may be, and when we can’t we feel almost ashamed of it.  When the sadness goes on for too long, we look for relief.  Sometimes with alcohol, or gambling, eating, drugs or with a prescription…all of which can be habit forming.  Have we ever considered that it isn’t the shopping or the gambling or the eating that is the “addiction”? Rather that these addictive acts themselves are neutral, and it is really our relief of not thinking about our issues while doing them that have us addicted to these neutral acts?  Don’t worry, there is a pill for that too.

Not to say that prescriptions don’t have their place, because they do.  But when these mood elevators were invented, there was an intention of it being used in conjunction with exploring your feelings and maybe some therapy while taking the “edge off” so to think clearly.  But screw therapy right? Who needs it? I sort of felt the same way once.  I have to say though, after having self indulged into a therapists chair a few times in my life, and having seen others just like me grow from the experience, I have come to the conclusion that if you are in fact in that chair, then you must really love yourself.  Also, you’re incredibly normal.  Here’s why, the people that could benefit the most from talking to an unbiased person, and who feel that they never would need therapy prefer to live their lives in the bubble that they created.  They don’t want to know anything about themselves. Some people don’t want to exchange temporary upheaval for a lifetime of comfort.  And that is their right.  It is their journey after all.  Therapy can be messy.  It’s just like a kitchen renovation; First, you have to gut the entire room, sometimes you find unexpected things like pipes in the wrong place.  Maybe then you have to re-write plans.  Other times, the demolition goes too far into another room in the house, and now you have more to contend with than you bargained for.  After that, you have to pick out new cabinets, hard wear, floors etc.  Inevitably, what you picked out doesn’t fit or you end up not liking it and then have to start over.  You begin to feel like it’s the old 10 steps forward, 20 steps back.  It’s getting expensive, time consuming, inconvenient and a huge pain in the ass.  Then, while you’re eating take out every night while looking at the messy unusable space, you start to regret your decision.  You want to say screw it, walk away and sell the damn house as it is even though you know you don’t really want to, you just want an easy out.  A chance to start over without the mess, a clean slate so you can say “I’ll never do that again”, even though a secret part of you is dying to know how it would turn out.

Some people do walk away, but most people won’t.  Most will have their shitfit, a breakdown to build up and then they will do their everloving best by rolling up their sleeves and dig the fuck into it.  Two things happen; 1. They begin to see progress and it drives them to do more, and 2. They realize that their avoidance was worse than the actual tasks at hand.  Then, almost like magic and when they aren’t even really looking because they are so in the moment, they end up with the kitchen of their dreams.  Please don’t misunderstand, the above happens to those that seek out a therapist as well.  There can come a point where it just gets too painful.  As spiritual beings having a human experience, the human in us wants to avoid pain.  The spirit in us knows that it’s for the greater good.  It’s for the evolution of our soul. We learn empathy and we begin to see ourselves more clearly.  We can see how our actions and our re-actions are what is creating our reality.  And I’m not going to lie, that is often the suckiest part.  But it also is something that we have full power to change.

People who seek out a therapist, have a loving desire to explore themselves and figure out how to live their life better.  Sadness, despair, anger, depression, insecurity…these feelings don’t just come out of the thin air.  There is always a deeper root and wether you agree with therapy or not, mostly everyone can agree that if you don’t get to the deep core of where these feelings stem from, they are never going to heal.  As for me, I have gone as far as I can go exploring these feelings of being a victim at the hands of people that I have never mistreated to go any further alone.  I’ve explored, written, prayed, and tried with no great result to get to the absolute core of what ails me and now it’s time to call in the professional.  Lucky for me, I’ve developed a relationship with a great therapist that is always willing to see me.  Sometimes I go to her for a month and she says one thing, it all clicks together.  I go on and integrate what it is that I learned and she doesn’t hear from me for a year.  But as a person who is committed to doing the work necessary in order to have a great life, never settling for status quo, it means that I recognize that my work with her is never “done”.  Life is an ongoing, living and organic thing.  It constantly changes and presents new people, experiences, and challenges.  Therefore I am open to calling her when I need her.  Those very few times where I’m lacking the motivation to do it for myself, I do it for my son.  I do it for Michael.  This is how a healthy and strong family unit gets built.  Brick by brick, person by emotionally healthy person.  You can’t fix your “world” when you are temporarily out of service.

Do I feel that every person needs a therapist? No.  I do however believe that everyone needs a nurturing, supportive, and mutually beneficial relationship with a person that can be unbiased, and sometimes your mother and your sister cannot be that person.  As open as I am about my life and my emotions, I have found that sometimes a paid professional who won’t take what you say personal is best to do the deep and inside work that may be necessary to propel you forward to the life that is meant for you.  We all have a greater calling while we are here.  When we are bogged down in the muck, uncertainty, and fear in our lives, it’s aiken to quicksand.  Our purpose then gets put on hold because how can you concentrate on that when you’re dedicating your resources to not sinking?  There is no energy nor do we have the wherewithal to pursuit our greater plans because what happens when you struggle against quicksand?  It’s the Law of Attraction at play, stuck brings stuck.  Sad brings sad.  I didn’t write the rules, I’m just learning them and passing them on.  Alternatively, happy brings happy.  Love brings love.  Having an incredible shiny and positive attitude brings ridiculous amounts of shiny and positive things into your life.  It’s hard to hear when you feel pretty awful and it can be even more daunting to have someone tell you that to get there, you have to figure out what is prohibiting it from coming to you, by going though the dark in order to recognize and appreciate the light.  But the alternative is to stay stuck and only catch glimpse of 1/1000 of the happiness in your life and that of other people, knowing deep inside that we are all entitled to much more by sheer birthright.

Don’t settle for the status quo.  Go renovate your kitchen.