I work for God. You work for God. We all work for God. It is in fact why we exist in the first place. We are here to experience certain things. Namingly, tests of our faith. When was the last time your faith was tested? Probably within the past hour. Did you notice it as a test? I was tested this morning. The bookkeeper forgot to process our paychecks, of course on the eve of all of our life insurance policy premiums being automatically drafted from my account. Of all times for us to have been totally fucking stupid with the cash this week. Now is it her fault that I may overdraft my account despite my (ok, usually) impeccable bookkeeping? Absolutely not. I blame my lack mentality.
Recently I purchased a home, a very mature and daunting task to undertake, but while I guard my credit report with the fury of a lioness, I sometimes slack with budgeting. I want the house perfectly decorated and landscaped and I want it now. However, in times of my under planning financially, I then retract and counter by holding on to every quarter until the Eagle screams. That is until I get so sick of being so frugal that I splurge again. Which is right around the time something like a wayward paycheck happens. It’s a cycle that I am officially done repeating because I now understand the importance of balance. I have recognized my pattern and now release it as I have already learned from it and I am ready to let it go for good. But let me tell you how I have come to this conclusion for myself;
I have a deep belief that God didn’t put us here to struggle. He put us here to complete some sort of mission on his behalf and He fully intends to provide for us while we do it, we just sometimes get in our own way. When we concentrate on our lack, or when we hoard out of fear, what we are really saying is that we lack faith in Him. Faith that we will be provided for. We also are lacking gratitude for all of the abundance that is always around us. I once had a pastor that totally impressed me with a sermon that moved my mountains. He stated that God was such an abundant and extravagant God who wants us to be taken care of so that we can do our work here. He proved his statement by pointing out that God didn’t create just one bird, he created over 10,000 species of birds. Over 400,000 species of plants. Over 28,000 kinds of fish. This pastor knew the exact numbers of each, and he didn’t use que cards. He so adamantly believed in his own sermon that you had no choice but to walk away changed forever. Still, old habits die hard…that is until you have fully learned from them. Even though I accepted what that Pastor said as my own truth, I still wasn’t paying attention to my day to day actions and thoughts.
However, I finally got it. Now I know that when Michael and I begin to feel pinched financially, it is because of our behavior, or our habits, our lack of patience, or feelings of unworthiness. I know it is us because mathematically all of the numbers work out and we make it a point to live below our means. The truth is that Michael and I are sort of alike when it comes to spending habits. Having agreed on this early, we countered any disaster that could happen with both of us blowing hundos by appointing me the more organized and fiscally responsible one. Therefore, all financials go through me. So if life insurance is about to overdraft because I was counting on getting paid early, it is entirely my fault. I either went off budget somewhere, under planned, or mis-communicated my need for X amount of dollars from Michael this week. Obviously, there was a pattern of mine that was prohibiting me from spending/saving/valuing what we are making even though I’ve done so well in between these weird cycles I was bringing about. How my personal self fulfilling prophecy of lack used to conclude is by me throwing Michael under the bus, pointing fingers – “I didn’t see that tax bill coming!” – and just focusing on what project for the house I can’t start today while kicking rocks. I did this despite my great abundance that God has provided for me. I should have focused on the fact that I have a house. And a career that can pay for it. And my health that enables me to have a career to pay for the house. Our healthy son. Our family – both blood and family we have chosen for ourselves. Wonderful pets. This big vibrant earth. Our love. God’s love. The list is endless because abundance knows know limits.
I was lead to my above conclusions by thinking really hard on the subject matter. Taking a step back and really trying to observe myself from the third person. I also thought about Jesus. God sent his only son here to teach us how to live, and then to die for us so that our debt is paid in full and we can do our “God work”. While Jesus walked this earth, he never worried about late fees, or interest. Credit scores or mortgage rates. If someone was hungry, he didn’t question why they had no food, or immediately jump to conclusions about their work ethic, he just gave the guy food because he had it to give. Now how did a man who didn’t worry about money or earthly materials always have enough to give? Because God said that he would provide, and Jesus had no reason to doubt his father. Why then would we ever think He would just drop us off here and say “good luck”, he didn’t do that to his son, so he wouldn’t do it to us. God doesn’t abandon his children…remember? He even tells us to look at the birds. They never worry about their next meal as they know they will always be provided for. So if he will provide for the birds, wouldn’t he provide for us?
Sounds simple right? It isn’t. Sounds like a challenge eh? It isn’t. The reason changing our destructive behavior is either simple or a challenge is really up to us. Everything to some extent is up to us. We can take ownership over things that plague us and seek out a positive resolution, or we can chose to complicate things by letting feelings and limiting beliefs get in the way. Sometimes we do it because we think it is easier than changing. I believe, however, that some things we are meant to experience. I firmly believe that several years ago after my divorce, I was meant to experience near bankruptcy. I think I may have even agreed to experience that entire debacle to either make me more empathetic to others, or to teach others how to avoid my mistakes. If you think pretty hard about your life thus far, you too should be able to see what gifts inside your story you can pass on to others.
I know that my lack mentality is officially over. So to are my feelings of being unworthy of all that God has given me. He intends to be lavish and I know that some of what I have He and I agreed upon before I even got to this lifetime. I know all of this because I feel better, lighter, and more capable than I have in a long time. Practically smarter than when I stumbled onto my personal truth several years ago. We can always tell when we have stumbled upon what our personal truth is. You can feel it. Everything that comes your way feels lighter. When we are living in alignment with our authentic self working on the mission that God put us here for, we have plenty of everything that we need and desire. Plenty of time, of health, relationships that are supportive or collaborative, because we work for God. Every single time I fell off of my life’s path I fell ill, or depressed. I got angry a lot and my relationships became strained. But when I am putting the pieces together on what my mission here is, I feel like a light warrior princess.
Rest assured, that part of our mission is to figure out what our mission is. What work God wants you to do here is personal and between you and God. It isn’t what those who are indoctrinated will want you to believe, because missions are like fingerprints; we all have them, but no two are the same. The signs to help you figure it out are always there to guide you, both Universal, and within. For me it is feathers, sequential numbers, coins, and for both Michael and I together, it is train references. Lovely things to be written about another day. But the trick is to figure out what signs are meant for you and then follow them, even if it feels weird and even if your mother tells you not to. No one is an authority on your life but you. Perhaps that is why I sometimes fell into lack mentality, because I was following financial advice from a news columnist who doesn’t know me. Or because I was attempting to do things the way my dad did it because it worked out for him. Ultimately though it was because I lacked faith in my Heavenly Father’s promise to me and therefore actually began to repel my blessings.
I am not trying to be self righteous here. All that I can ever attest to in this life is what I believe, and hey…if you believe it also or some version of it, then great. If not, then I have full faith that you will find your own personal truth somewhere else. But the one thing that we should try to all agree on is that we have been put here at this point in time of humanity for a reason. Since the world is in complete and utter chaos, I have to believe that we have all been put here to reverse it’s demise. To create the Heaven on earth that is spoken of so often in the great Book. Doing that is going to take all of us accomplishing our missions, and doing our work for God. I don’t think that we can get there without first loving ourselves. Then loving our children. Loving our families. Loving our community. Then loving the world. I also believe that it will take more of love then anything that money could ever buy us. It may take us overcoming our lack mentality to truly take care of ourselves so that we can take care of others. Noticing and then giving of abundance so that we can give even more, both of ourselves and of our resources, because when you work for God nothing is in short supply…as long as you have faith.