I don’t like you. But I do love you.

Where did we ever get this fucking idea that we have to like everyone? More importantly, where did we get this fucking idea that everyone has to like us? I will take it even further, where did we get the idea that we have to like everyone that we are related to, and that they have to like us? God created some of our family members as a joke to play upon us…you know that right?

To be more accurate, we picked people to walk in and out of our life, to marry, to divorce, to be related to, to have one major interaction with, to stumble back into our life when we wonder off our life path, and many more preconceived interactions, and we do it all before our Soul even takes on human form. I have a prime example of each of these, and to know that I had a hand in orchestrating all of this solidifies in my mind that there are drugs in Heaven. Ok I digress.

Some where along the way, I got it into my head that everyone who comes into contact with me I must work very hard to ensure that they like me, and that I like them. This became even more true for people that I am related to by blood and marriage. Talk about exhaustion to the point of stroking out. I didn’t even realize that I was doing all of this, even during massive personality conflicts that forcing it inevitably provides, until I stumbled across the Facebook profile of a girl that I just cannot stand. Here is the kicker though, I don’t even know her personally. We have 89 friends in common, she knew my husband in his prior life as “party Mike”, she knows one of my very best friends, but I have never interacted with her, and nor do I ever want to. The reason for my dislike is very ungrounded in fact. Instead, it’s based off of three stories from others, and some of her socially vile and morally repugnant status posts that sometimes show up on my newsfeed. I don’t know her, but I know enough about her that should we meet it would be best if I said nothing to her. If not just for the fear of what would come out of my mouth, but for the altercation sure to follow because she doesn’t appear to be the type of human that likes to be faced with alternate opinions of her beliefs…kind of like me, only my opinions are sound in social responsibility, love and acceptance.  Therefore I am right and have superior thinking and she is in fact my evil twin, and I secretly desire to take her down.

She is a very loud to the point of scary gun nut – who I don’t think even owns a gun – and I want common sense laws that make it difficult for mass murders and psychos to obtain military grade weapons, all without infringing on my right to responsible ownership of the new shotgun I’ve been making room in my budget for. She rallies for a political party that despises anyone that isn’t a wealthy white Anglo Saxon heterosexual male, but she rallies at the Gay Pride parade.  Hates homeless people, yet barely makes $20,000 a year.  She’s a fucking paradox and I can’t stand paradoxes.  Then I had to stop and think why do I have such contempt for this particular female that I do not know? Why do I have such contempt for a few others that are almost like her to a varying degree? Then it hit me, she and the few others like her are me 10 years ago.

A decade ago I was very unhappy with life. I was confused about my life. I felt stuck, unsure of what I wanted and where I was going. I would often take this out on others and lash out – especially strangers because fuck them. My unhappiness spilling out all over due to the lack of vacancy inside of me that was consumed with insecurity and doubt. I was in a crumbling marriage – wether he knew it at the time or not – we were both unhappy. The Marines had changed us. War had changed us. Money and then the lack of it had changed us.  Neither of us had any common dreams or goals, and we were finding out the hard way that two fractions of a person cannot come together and make a Whole. He had stuff unexamined, I definitely had stuff left unexamined and there is never security in denial.  However that was on the inside. On the outside, my life was a very different story. Nice cars, nice home. Clothes, outings, expensive boarding fees at expensive barns for my horse. I became a master at disguise.  I looked well off without two dimes to rub together.

In order to counter act the fact that we had $17.79 in our checking account with no accountability for where the money went, I would shop to show the world that “there is nothing to see here!” “All is good with us!” When we would fight so loud and so hard that glass and furniture would break, we would counter that with being the most in love and googly eyed couple in the nice restaurant the next night. He’d buy me jewelry that we couldn’t afford, and I would allow it in order to have an outward example of how great our life was. When things went south, as they often did, we always had a story to tell you.  It was never our fault that a car got impounded or rent was going to be late, it was because of this extraordinary and elaborate lie. We were liars. We painted white fences with our words, not our actions. Then the facade fell completely and there was only a foundation built upon sand. Nothing to stand on, no motivation to attempt to re-build, we were done. Time to move out and on and truly get down to the business of examining ourselves, desires, behaviors so that we don’t do this to husband #2, or for him, wife #3 should they ever be out there. At least I eventually did, I don’t know about him.

Now I’m not saying that these people that I don’t like are replicating my past life, but I have come to realize that their bark is much bigger than their bite, just like mine was. Not unlike when I was all loud about how great life was on Myspace (at the time), crying into my pillow at night. I couldn’t tell the parents because they’ll hate him and what if he all of a sudden changes over night? I couldn’t tell the friends as they were so deluded by the facade they may not believe it. Nothing to do but get myself in deeper by painting the picture of roses and moonbeams instead. Because I have been there, I can smell a “facade mural painter” from 100 paces. All of those that I do not care for, related or not, are facade murlists. They paint the picture loud and clear, but their subtle actions indicate something deeper. Something different from what they actually practice or how they really feel. I have been there. So when I don’t like someone, I know it’s more than likely because my subconscious is picking up on the fact that they are not in alignment. In short – they’re faking something. But since I’ve been there, I also know that for at least the short term, they may whole heartedly believe that it is the only option available to them.  It is both a major problem and very brave at the sometime.  It doesn’t deserve my judgment, it deserves my empathy and my compassion.

My evil twin isn’t evil per se, she just doesn’t have the best interests of all people in her heart. In her mind, she has picked and chose who should survive and thrive in this world, and it will be only those that fit into her limited and extremely narrow box of a mind. Maybe she was raised that way. Or maybe she herself has been so discriminated against that she figures if she can’t beat them, she’ll join them. In either or any scenario, she is not someone that I like. Nor are the others that I have mentioned. So now what? Nothing.

You have the right to not like or to like whomever you wish.  Liberating, I know. The catch is though, you still have to love them. You love them because they are human. You have to love them because you don’t know what their story is really all about. Love them because Love is the Alpha and the Omega of emotions that we are born with, but the first to get jacked from us here in this wonderfully beautiful hell hole.  You have to love them because we are more alike to those we don’t like than we are not alike. We love them because their Soul’s have also chosen this particular game changing point in humanity to be here, which makes them brave. We love them because there are others that we do like who love them. All we have to do is leave them alone. We do not have to change them, or attempt to make them see things our way or any way for that matter. If it is within their plan with God to change, then they will and it more than likely won’t have anything to do with what we say or do. How they act, and what they say has absolutely nothing to do with us, it has only to do with them and we can’t control that. Liberating, I know.

What of those that are related to us? Same as above. The last time I checked, there is no rule that family and acceptance are mutually exclusive. We as humans get hung up, I think, on the fact that it should be mutually exclusive. The fact that for generations upon generations imprinted upon our DNA it was mutually exclusive.  And there is nothing saying that it won’t be again, but we do need to take a step back from all of the drama and attempts to control people first, starting with our families.  Our relatives are just those that are connected to us by blood and a ceremony called marriage.  DNA and the law are the only thing that separates them from strangers and friends. They still have their own unique sets of circumstances that they come into this life to figure out, and they need the same consideration we would wish for ourselves from others.  We also need to remember that some people, related to us or not, are only within our lives to serve as a blatant reminder to be empathetic. To help grow our compassion, and even maybe to trigger the dark stuff that has to come out in order to be released, and transmuted into light so that we can move on to carry out our mission here on earth. Whatever it maybe, and however it is Divinely intended to play out…we still don’t have to like them. However, we do have to love them. Love them because when you love someone it is impossible to wish ill will upon them. When you love someone, no matter if you like them or not, it is impossible not to want to help them when they need help. Love them, because we ourselves need and yearn to be loved, and what you put out into the magnificent Universe, you get back. Like and love are not the same thing. Liberating…I know.

 

Emerging Conscience Evolutionist Blogger.  I take the reality and show you the positive.
Emerging Conscience Evolutionist Blogger. I take the reality and show you the positive.
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