It feels light hearted, like a ton of bricks are being lifted off of your chest. When you speak, you get an electric “zing” because you know that you have hit upon the Divine truth and at that moment, you’re going to speak it. It feels freeing and downright good. It’s the opposite of feeling escalating anger with every response because the other side isn’t conforming to your opinion. Instead, you are going to allow what you know in your heart of hearts ring true and it doesn’t matter if it for a crowd of 1 or 1 Million. The ripple effect that telling the truth to those that need to hear it is the same energetically anyhow. A crowd of 1 Million people opening their hearts and minds might be “faster” in our linear time, but instilling something to think about into 1 person does the same thing. It has the same altering effect. Knowing this is what allows one to speak their heart openly and often. When you know that you are spreading awareness and what you are saying is going to result in a positive change, even if it isn’t today, you feel elation when you are speaking. You feel it to the point where if anyone challenges you, spiritually attacks you, or attempts to energetically bring you down, you can see the attempt for what it is. You see it, you observe it from a higher perspective and then you can suspend judgement. You also can let go if need be. I’m not going to say it’s a shrug of the shoulders-“oh-well-“ kind of feeling every time. Sometimes you cry. Sometimes you overreact out of anger at other things unrelated to the event that you have to let go of. Surrendering control over an outcome that you have planned, hoped, and prayed for is not an easy challenge for humans. But you learn how to manage it. You learn how and what resources to go to that can help show you the meaning of what you’re going through. Be it a person or a space.
What does any of the above have to do with whether or not you are winning an argument? Emotions. Here is the bad/good/uncomfortable news depending on how you look at it as your own individual; you have to feel them. To know what to do and to help guide yourself through life, you have to know your fucking feelings. Sometimes it sucks. Not going to lie. It is what it is as almost everybody I’ve ever met over the past 6 years likes to say. I had no idea what that meant until like yesterday. It means, you can’t control everything. It means that you have to just let things be sometimes. It means, literally that it is whatever it currently is. Think about how you feel about it. Find out where those particular emotions are coming from. Childhood? That last encounter with so and so? How do you do any of this? By living in the moment. Ah shit.
Ever notice how distracted we are as a society? Do you know that getting into a car before you drive should be taken as seriously as a small engine pilot checking his checklist before take off. Who does that? Ask yourself if just a few more people did, how much better would our roadways be? There would be a lot less kids left in a hot car I can promise you that. We have to slow the fuck down. Too many things that don’t matter have way too much of our mental space. What does any of this have to do with winning an argument? Attention.
So now we know that in order to win an argument you have to have your emotions in check, and be paying attention. What else could there possibly be? Well as I was reminded by a recent interaction with a fellow debater on an MSN thread, compassion. This gentleman and I don’t exactly see in the same direction. We agree on some things, just in different ways. Neither way is wrong. However, my views have come to me as a result of a lot of hard experiences and glorious awakenings. They have been proven too me too many times for me to question them any longer. Maybe he feels the same way. So I tried something different, and started to treat the exchange with compassion instead of one-up-manship. When you start to view your “opponent” as just another soul here in this lifetime to have experiences to learn from, your views change. They are not someone to be crushed, they are someone who you have the chance to help influence, and vice versa, to bring about change. The exchange begins to breed co-operation. Ideas to bring about wholistic change from the inside out. Listen, change is coming anyway. Why be scared of it? You’ve only ever done it every single day of your life since you were born. You change everyday. Are you the same as 5 years ago? Aren’t you a different person today than you were yesterday? You better be. Because if your are not working to improve yourself mentally, spiritually, and physically everyday, there may come a time where you’re forced to. So just start now. Where ever you are and use the first thing that comes to your mind. You’ll be led to the resources that can help you best, if you’re quiet enough to listen. Which bring me back to attention. See a theme?
So, speaking from experience, when you find yourself in a situation, at work or at home, or even deeply embroiled in hard core conflict, the methods to win are exactly the same. Surrendering the outcome. Having faith, but standing firm as you are avenging what is in your examined heart knowing that it will always work out for everyone’s highest good. Keeping emotions in check by knowing them. Allowing them to pass through like an old friend with a message, but not allowing them to move into your heart for good. When you know your emotions, you know how to step out of them quickly. Feel and then release. When you feel relief, you know that you’ve done just that. Then there is attention. Noticing everything about the interaction and taking all of the information and processing it through a good mental filter. Pay attention to body language if you can. Repeat back to the party what you think that you heard for them to clarify, and then let them fucking clarify. Have you ever wondered how much more efficient and simpler this world would be if we just let people finish their sentence? Next is compassion. Compassion stems from believing, at minimum, that we are all in the same boat. Compassion does not mean that you condone someone being a homeless alcoholic. Compassion stems understanding that he probably doesn’t want to be holding that sign. Begging for money in the rain isn’t anyone’s idea of a career. Compassion is knowing that is a person, who was born into a family that is failing him right now. When you bring that feeling of compassion into an argument, you have already won no matter the outcome.
Lastly, you have faith. Anytime there is a conflict, it is a glaring neon sign that it is time for growth. Usually what an argument boils down to be is two or more people attempting some sort of change. One party knows that the situation has become stagnant, co-dependent, – unfair in some wa, while the other party may be clinging for dear life for things to remain the same – regardless of the stagnant and uncomfortableness of it all. When you realize that change is constant, ineviable, and it can be positive as long as you believe that it will be, your mindset about change…changes. I promise you it will be exactly what you have been praying for, even if it looks very different from what you imagined. Which wraps right back around again to…surrendering control to outcome. Let go and allow much more than you can ever imagine come to you. What you dream up for yourself is only a small fraction of what you are worth and what you are entitled to just by birthright. It isn’t about entitlement though, it’s about knowing that this is a right for everyone, not you and whom you deem fit. You don’t have the right to make those kinds of calls.
Yes, if when you speak it feels like an electric wave is pleasantly vibrating through your body, you are on the right path and your only objective is to feel more of that. The more that you feel that way, the more you will speak and speak in total confidence. This helps greatly when you are speaking up against someone who is the worst kind of wrong. The kind of wrong that wants to oppress people. The kind of wrong that a narcissistic-borderline personality-judgmental-bigot wants to see happen. (Come on. We all know one. We can all be one from time to time so check yourself.) When speaking out against radical hatred, or standing up for yourself to your family, you find yourself getting a little insecure, fall back and fix yourself. Then flank ‘em bitch.
Glad to have you! I always appreciate you sharing my work when you see fit to.