It was last week and I was scrolling through my Facebook news feed coffee in hand, when I stumbled upon a re-post of a blog post entitled “Why I Am Not Reading 50 Shades of Grey” written by a Christian blogger. Not having read the book, or planning on seeing the movie, I gave it a gander to see what the fuss was about. I couldn’t make it past the third paragraph. The self proclaimed Christian blogger who “lives life for HIM” was downright angry that this book even existed, let alone it having been dubbed “mommy porn” and hitting best sellers lists. Apparently, and I only learned this from her blog post, Christian Grey’s lover is younger than him, is a virgin and the storyline is layden with S&M, bondage and other “torture” in the name of love making. Just by reading the portions of this blogger’s post that I that I did, I could practically see the steam coming from her ears. The post was part witch trials of yesteryear with a call to all women to steer clear of E.L. James’ work. Calling it “smut” and “sinful sex”. Warning how anyone that reads this isn’t protecting their mind in the name of the Lord. Here’s the thing, banning anything makes it irresistible, (prohibition/bootlegging anyone?) More over than that, why does she care? Her post wasn’t an educational post attempting to make a case for the alternative. It was condescending and full of passive aggressive reticule.
I’m not really into S&M, I actually don’t get it. Maybe it’s because I ride horses and have a different view of leather and whips. Though it does nothing for me personally, how can I say that anyone who engages in this so called “sinful sex” is going against God? Or that this book is in fact “smut? What the fuck do I care what goes on in other people’s bedrooms? I only care that whatever is going on is between…or among…(because again, who am I) consenting adults. Other than that, my interference is not necessary, or appropriate. Nor is my opinion. However, allow me to offer up an “Alternate Possibility”: I too am a Christian. I as well live my life for HIM 99.99% of the time. The other .5% I am fucking up and making a mess for myself to learn from. Because I am human…and HE made me…and HE expects me to mess up and, HE loves me anyway.
Today I ran a Google search on this particular blog post in an attempt to read it in it’s entirety. I couldn’t find it again, but in my search up came about 10 other blog posts/articles entitled the same. ALL explaining that they don’t think that 50 Shades of Grey is Godly since the least of all it speaks of is sexual desire. These bloggers either have incredible restraint, or they have never had their socks blown off in bed. I actually feel sorry for them. For if they have in fact had the incredible soul shaking experience that real sex – and I do mean real – comes with, they wouldn’t question that God is just as much a part of sex as he is in our praying. I’m not talking about a good time after the frat house kegger, I’m talking about the kind if real sex that is the result of two people having the deep penetrating desire for one another, the kind of desire that resonates all the way down to your bone marrow. Which in turn results in the kind of sex where two souls that are meant to intertwine in that moment merge to have the kind of experience that has one hearing bells and with the ability to smell the number nine. The kind of physical movement that compliments the spiritual one that both people have right then – wether or not they are married. THAT is a God thing, and one is naive to believe otherwise since God is in all things, and who is anyone to say that those kind of experiences can’t come with some leather pants and handcuffs on the side?
To these obviously sexually malnourished bloggers; I don’t understand you. I would be doing myself a disservice by attempting to generate the mental capacity necessary to comprehend the time that you are taking out of your stay at home-mommy/organization-blogging/home-schooling/paelo-cooking/twice-a-week-bible-study-leading day to write such a post about a piece of fiction that may, or may not depict a way that a few others like to have adult play. For a collective group who claim to only let God judge, your posts reek of 1800’s finger wagging in the face of improperness. This kind of evangelism turns people off from finding Christianity. This is the kind of judgmental behavior that drives people to not be forthright in getting help for sexual abuse/violence. This is the kind of condescending writing that perpetuates young adults from learning about sexually transmitted diseases, or young women from talking about the pressure they may feel to have sex to fit in. EL James isn’t the irresponsible one for writing a piece of fiction that “glorifies a slave/master sexual relationship” as you claim, it is in fact you that are the irresponsible ones. The Christian bloggers that are one hair shy of calling for a book burning in the name of censorship. Wait…I’m not done…
Maybe there are people out there that like bondage, but what about that smaller segment of populace that just doesn’t know any better? They didn’t grow up with sex being a topic of conversation that they can broach with their Christian parents and so they think that fictional stories such as 50 Shades of Grey is how sex is supposed to be. They take from it that sex means that they have to be dominated by someone and don’t understand that their sex life and their body is within, or should be within, their control at all times. You see, due to you all perpetuating the inability to have an intelligent/non-emotional discussion about sex, some people end up using sex to feel better about themselves. They use it to foster what they believe to be popularity and what ultimately turns out to be false self-esteem. Now, because of you, they may become afraid to speak out and find an alternative way of living since you so eloquently called anyone who engages in this behavior “sinister” and of the devil. They would rather keep to themselves the crummy depression that they may feel over not knowing how to foster a healthy sex life, whereby making them vulnerable to falling pray to misogyny.
Again, because of the environment that you chose to perpetuate, learning how to be alone and wait for the right person, one that validates them as being respectable and worthy of love and a healthy sexuality, is going to take that much longer. As well as further delay the revelation that consenting adults that respect one another can be monogamous, minus a marital relationship, and use sex for recreation so long as both parties have a strong sense of self. This would make the blurred sex that is used to gain self worth and combat loneliness and is not of God completely obsolete. Consider that sex can happen between two people who care for one another and respect their bodies, though it doesn’t look like what you think sex should look like, and that it can be just as Godly. Maybe even more so than the self restrained couple where either one or both have an increased resentment for not feeling free/safe enough to self express. Consider that your judgement is prohibiting you and others to fully understand that sex is part of spirituality since we are all souls having a human experience. Failing to consider any other alternative to your narrow perception means that by default, your posts actually create a place where a virgin seduced by a Christian Grey into an S&M relationship can actually happen. All because you judged and others were forced to keep silent out of fear. While on the topic, how is it all working out for us? The denial of sex I mean. The bottom shelf brown paper bag topic. In other Countries, they embrace their sexuality. It just is and they accept what is. In turn, they have very low STD rates, teen pregnancy, and don’t confuse sex with self-esteem. Then you have us, the “Christian Nation” (seperation of Church and State?) where we have plethora of people either in denial or scared to speak. Is that any more Godly? Or using your duty to evangilize responsibly?
I believe that these close minded bloggers foster mis-information, help perpetuate a level of misogyny, and most definitely articulate an archaic transposition of sex. What these bloggers fail to understand is that writers have a responsibility to the public that may stumble across their work. You have to be open minded and open hearted enough to know that you are not GOD, and that the pen is mightier than the sword. You can spend your time scoring others life choices, and God knows that I have been on that side of the pen too, or you can write everyone into a better existence. If you chose the former over the latter, that is the cowards way. You are egocentric enough to insist that every one live their life according to your personal interpretation of the Bible. And here is the ironic part, you are literally insinuating the removal of the Free Will granted to us all by the Creator that you claim to love so much. Yeah. Go back and read that last sentence again before you email me.
50 Shades of Grey isn’t required reading. If you don’t like it and don’t want others to read it, then you probably shouldn’t write an entire post about it for your thousands of subscribers, because quite frankly, I forgot it even existed before your foolish writing. But more over than that, these bloggers should remember that God doesn’t make mistakes. He gave us a brain, the ability to formulate sense of self, where by making us self-governing. He also gave us pharmones, soul contracts, and oh yeah…genitals. If God doesn’t like the way that we do it, I am sure that he will take it up with us who engage in “sinful sex” when we see him. Your running interference really isn’t necessary. However, I thank these writers for their concern, and the writing material, as I zip up my leather pants.
And with the addition of Viet Nam and Shi Lanka, #LiveYourPositiveLife is now published in 100 Countries! THANK YOU!