Lately I have had to examine why some of my goals are still suspended in the air – just within my grip, yet I wasn’t even attempting to grip. Why would one place all of their creativity and actionable items on hold when there is no real reason to? What kind of slow self sabotage is this now?
I started to realize that while I do accept myself for who I am, maybe I don’t fully express that to myself very well. Maybe there are some things that outwardly (hello gray hairs) need to be taken care of to reflect my insides, while there are also some inside things (hello patience) that need to be shored up to reflect well on my outsides. Thus brings me back to my re-occurring theme of self-acceptance of which a prosperous life is born out of.
My rounds with self acceptance are kind of funny. The truth is I have mostly always accepted myself for who I am. The only times that I have not accepted me for me is when I was told by others that they did not accept me for whatever reason. There have been exactly three times in my life where I have internalized someone else’s perception of me, and allowed someone to dictate to me my relationship with myself.
Following this list in order helped me. Here is what I have learned when it comes to turning it all around and back right again;
1. It’s easier than you think. Just one small shift in your thinking will alter your entire Universe right in that nano second. It isn’t something that you have to schedule, or something to look into later, it can be done now. Right now. Like, now. Just say, “I love you” in the mirror and see where that takes you. If it feels foreign, it’s more than likely because you probably never have done it before. But then walking for the first time or riding a bicycle felt just as weird once, you just don’t remember.
2. It begins with meeting your own basic needs first. You can’t bypass this step. If you did, it would be equivalent to building a house without a foundation. It may hold for awhile, but the end result is never good. Therefore, eat breakfast. Eat lunch. Eat dinner. From there pay more attention to what kinds of foods that you eat. Get sleep. Then pay attention to how you spend your time so you can get more. Take your vitamins. Then pay attention to how/or how little you move your body.
3. Recognize the importance of a healthy routine. This is the second layer of concrete in the foundation that you are laying. Starting with simple and basic is best. Tweaks will always need to be made as a good routines are always evolving. Look at your finances once a week. Clean your house for 1 hour a day. Meditate and pray daily. Get your haircut on schedule. Have all major mechanics professionally looked at once a year. You will find that by taking care of routine maintenance you never have to scramble – other than that rare occasion – when you get a not so pleasant surprise. Having things in order means that you have more time to spend engaged in nourishing activities that soothe your soul.
4. Take pride in you or no one else will. This is pretty self explanatory. If you were to go on a first date disheveled, sleep deprived, stressed out, with mis matched socks and then attempt to get the other person to believe that you are a professional with their shit together how well do you think that they would believe you? Waiting to have pride in yourself until someone else has pride in you is giving your power away completely. No one is responsible for you but you if you are over the age of 18. The great news is that if you do #1 – #3, #4 just naturally comes.
5. Protect your time/brain/resources There are a lot of lost souls out there. They are defensive, narrow minded, and keep repeating the same mistakes over and over again. They will flock to your newly lit inner light like a moth. Some will come off very genuine and eager for you to teach them what you know. Only after a while you will see that they are not genuine, nor do they have any intention on doing any real work to save themselves. That is ok, it is their journey after all. Just know that they ONLY way that you can help these people is by helping yourself first. They need a role model. Set the example for them. You may also need to unplug the T.V., get rid of cable, or at the very least, stop watching the news. The sensationalism that they need in order to attract viewers and therefore advertisers, blocks any real information of value from getting through. Underground/Grassroots journalism is where it’s at. They are the journalists all over the world that hate their cubical job and do the real work to get the information out there on their own time. You can’t beat that kind of dedication.
The last prong to #5 are your relationships. If someone just came to your mind as you read this, you may need to take a very honest inventory of what is going on there. The best thing I heard this week was during a webinar with Jessica Ortner of The Tapping Solution where she said, “I want to come away from my interactions full, not depleted.” She was speaking in terms with why she chooses her human interactions carefully. Which brings me to…
6. Set standards, and never fall below them. I have a few hard rules for myself personally. For instance, I have exceedingly high standards for what I engage in, spend money on, or lend my name to. In terms of friendship, if neither of us would get out of bed for one another at 3:00 am for any reason, I don’t consider you a friend. If someone doesn’t treat me well, I stay away from them. If I don’t think that my energy is best spent at a party/gathering/whatever, I don’t go. No matter who it’s for, or who is going to be there. I never say anything that I wouldn’t want anyone telling others that I said. I also never vacation with other people. Not just because I did that once and it ended in utter chaotic disaster that changed 8 people’s relationships forever. Nor is it the memory of the piercing silence while 4 of those 8 people drove back from Vermont trapped in a small SUV stuck in traffic together. It’s because my personal and family time is sacred and sacrosanct. I don’t allow anyone to interfere with my husband, son, and I’s relationship building. These are just examples of what I mean. I have spent decades in trial/error mode to develop them. They work for me and I continue to add and expand them all of the time. However, the Free Will option that comes with us when we are born means that you can set some for yourself. Keep ‘em high though.
7. Comparison to, as well as the judgement of others is pointless and sucks your energy dry. At some point in our evolution, the comparison and analysis of ourselves to others was more than likely a survival mechanism. If you saw that guy over there making fire, and you didn’t know how to make fire, you probably panicked a little. You not having the knowledge and the ability that the other guy had would mean that you and your family would perish here shortly. Therefore, it must be hardwired into our DNA to constantly compare ourselves with others. Only now it isn’t for survival, it has to do with looks, cars, jobs, and marriage proposals. The necessity of fire in comparison to having flat abs…hopefully you can see how ridiculous it all is. In terms of judging others, we are all here at the same time but for different reasons, to experience different things and to learn different lessons. No matter how similar our stories are to each other, each of us having a unique perceptive of said events means that we can never know exactly why that person is who they are. We can speculate and have theories, but both of those are only built from our own unique perspective. Therefore, judging someone’s life by your own personal stories, lessons, values, standards, pasts, upbringing, education, socio-economic bracket, is proven by math and statistics to be absolutely pointless. There is no way that you will ever know another person’s life/perspective. So stop judging others. Just stop. As soon as you do, the instant by product is that you stop judging yourself. Ceasing critical self talk means that you can get more meaningful living going on.
Self acceptance, which is ultimately self love, is the root foundation for each and everyone of us to flourish. It’s what keeps us away from that toxic relationship with that lost soul. It’s what has us honor our dreams by going after them step by micro step if we have to. And since we come to love ourselves so much, that love has nothing to do but multiply, therefore allowing us to accept and love others too. Self love is what enables us to stand up against atrocious behavior and ideologies. The great part is that all things not working in our lives has to do with us not fully accepting ourselves as we are. So Lennon was right when he said “all we need is love”. It helps, it heals, it allows us to prosper. It’s only hard because we make it so, which means that we can make it un-hard. Throwing self love around is like throwing water up into the air, the Laws of the Universe make so that it’s impossible not to get some all over you too.
Notes from Me:
I would love to personally thank each and every one of my readers for being here with me. I know that what I share makes some of you feel less alone, and for others my posts reinforce what you are already thinking while searching for confirmation. There have been so many times that I wanted to quit and just shut this shit down. But just as I was thinking that, an email would come along to tell me that LYPL made some impact upon the sender. So here I stay. I promise to continue to grow my content as I learn it and live it.
Sticking with that statement, I share some links inside of my posts of programs that I have personally used at the time of my writing. Most of these links have incredible free content that the author is so generously sharing aside from their equally as incredible content that you can purchase. As of right now, I have no affiliate links in my posts, I am simply sharing information. When I am affiliated with anyone or anything, I will inform that I am and I will promise you now that it will never be anything that isn’t perfect, useful, and personally roadtested by myself.
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All of my best to you always,