Turning life’s corners

A few times in my life I have heard someone say that they “turned a corner” when speaking in terms of having personal realizations.  I didn’t understand what they meant until recently.

Right before the holidays, as I was concluding much personal work, I had begun to feel very different.  I started to feel more like who I always knew I could be, ready to do what I know that I am here for.  Then I got sick for two days, and I was forced to lay still and think.  I came to many conclusions and after it was all over, somehow all anger and resentment, as well as fear and frustration fell away.  Try as I might to remember those times that I felt so badly over world, life, or family events, and I couldn’t.  I remember being in pain, but I don’t remember the pain.  This is what a miracle actually is.

Thanks to Hollywood, but when most people think of miracles, they think that it has to be this earth moving event that happens and everything and everyone is all of a sudden healed.  I know that I used to think so.  Now I have the understanding that the real miracle comes not from above, although we certainly have their help, however instead it comes from within.  What it actually comes down to is a personal shift in perception.  You stop looking at life through the lens of dissatisfaction, and instead chose to look at the beauty of things.  To solidify this I recently saw a facebook meme that said…loosely quoted…peace happens when you accept what your reality is instead of what you think it should look like.  And what is peace but a miracle.

Anyone here for any length of time knows that I have chosen to look way past my blessings and all that I have created for myself that is great, to focus instead on perfecting what I had deemed as imperfect.  I was foreboding joy and reserving my happiness for when I “arrived”, or for when certain family relationships healed. How silly to wait to be happy.  Why do we suspend what we should hold dear in grand pursuit of what needs to be “fixed”? Or for when we achieve that accolade?  It certainly isn’t a humble way to live.  It’s stressful and unrealistic.  This is the direct opposite of living a positive life.  All of these realizations are what helped me “turned a corner” on my life’s path.

The great Oprah has said that “If you are not thankful for what you have, you will never have enough.” The truth of the matter is that I have everything that I have ever asked God for.  When I stopped to realize that having what I asked Him for didn’t make me any happier, I had the stone cold realization that having any more wasn’t going to either.  This meant that I had an inner problem.  So as I lay sick, I set on a internal search to find the answer to said inner problem. My conclusion was that I was always looking over the fence to the next pursuit instead of taking a pause to enjoy what I have now.  It is a miserable way to live life.

I suddenly felt like a spoiled and ungrateful child, the feeling made worse in knowing that He loves me anyway.  I became disappointed in myself and then scared when I thought what life would be like if I had none of it.  Just like the saying, “how would you feel if you woke up in the morning with only what you were thankful for the night before?”  It made me realize that we are our own worse enemy.  Now I stop multiple times a day and thank God for all kinds of things.  Then if I ask for something else to help make my life more enriched, I start to take steps to help bring it about.  It takes no time at all for it to come to me.  My sobering realization has made me realize that I can’t keep this information all to myself.

What I want everyone to understand is that every single person can have what they deeply desire too.  You don’t have to wait until you are richer, better educated, or have the love of your life.  You can do this now, and in fact you must.  I may have more experience in personal development and self examination than some, but I am in no way more deserving of this miracle than anyone else.  All one has to do is ask Him.  Know what you want, and then ask.  But then you have to actually take steps to make things happen.  You want to go back to school…ask, but then do some research on where to go and what to study.  You want more financial security…ask, but then get out your bank info and take an honest look at your habits.  You want a better relationship with someone…ask, but then make a move.  Want a Grammy? Ask…but then write a song.  Sitting there asking God for all that you want isn’t enough and for those who study scripture, I’m more than sure you can find many quotes to substantiate that statement.

In my legal continuing education lectures, I write manuals for the attendees to download for the webcast.  Included is always an outline of a step by step process for whatever it is that I am lecturing about.  I thought seriously of doing that here because never before in the history of the Universe has there ever been so many people about to turn their own personal corners into goodness, nor has there ever been a time in history when rounding those corners together is vital.  Then I realized that I can’t give a step by step process on how to do this, on how to have a personal revelation.  It would defeat the purpose of what a personal revelation is.  All I can say is;

  1.  Surrender
  2. Give thanks
  3. Be quiet

That’s how I did it.  That’s how I came out of chasing a perfect existence of which there is no such thing.  Instead, I look around now at what I have created thus far, and I thank all of those up above and here on earth who have helped me get here.  And “here” is different for each and every one of us.  One person’s “here” is different from another’s which is how it is supposed to be.  If you go back to #1 and realize that surrender means just that, surrender.  Surrender judgement, hate, intolerance, greed, sloth, hurting yourself and others, then you realize that what ever any other person’s “here” looks like, doesn’t concern you.  You give thanks for what you have and you quietly wait for instructions/guidance to continue on building your life.  Your legacy.  In the meantime, our only job to one another is to love each other. Even if that is from afar.

~ The Pros…and the Cons of corner turning ~

One of the greatest things about turning this corner is that I no longer pay attention to other people’s bad behavior.  Let me be clear, this does not mean that I don’t interject into destructive conversations to convey honesty, this just means that I’ve become really selective with my battles…99.99% of the time…I’m a work in progress.

Just this past weekend, I was taunted…twice…on the roadway.  On two separate occasions, I was cut off in traffic or almost hit and yet the other driver attempted to engage me in a battle.  One of them ended up at the same store I was going to, and while I was walking in and walking out, she attempted to get me to verbally engage with her.  In years past, you know that I would have obliged, but for the first time ever I just ignored her.  Complete ignore.  I couldn’t careless about her and went about my business.  I felt her stare at me as I walked just inches right by her out the door.  She was dumbfounded.  I could feel the disappointment radiating off of her.  It hurt her more that I didn’t even look at her over anything that I could have said.  I realized in the parking lot of that store that people that do deliberate things to get you angry or to hurt you want you to engage in angry behavior so that they have an excuse to come back with more.  They want to use the situation to unload heap loads of hurt, fear and resentment that they have so deeply entrenched inside of themselves.  You do better to ignore them and this then forces them into the position to have to examine it all themselves.  They way that it should be.

The con to this, if I have to name one, would be that it becomes somewhat of a challenge to balance when you should engage, and when you shouldn’t.  Because becoming a doormat is the direct opposite of living a positive life.  Case in point:  Does everyone remember that girl from Michael’s past that I wrote about years back in Can Men and Women Be Friends?  Well, two years ago my sister-in-law became a pawn in her manipulation game.  Michael had separated himself from this girl, on his own volition, after he took a good look at her behavior and realize that she really wasn’t a friend.  After which, this girl promptly befriended my sister-in-law.  During this curious and speedy friendship, my sister-in-law disinvited me to her wedding, and invited this girl instead.  My sister-in-law conspired with this girl to help her get Michael alone.  Think about that the next time you complain about one of your in-laws.  If they haven’t tried to destroy your relationship from the inside out, then I don’t want to hear it.

Maybe this girl and my sister-in-law hatched this plan so that this girl could make her final play while she had a local hotel room and her boyfriend remained in New York.  Maybe it was just to get attention since his attention was clearly no longer on her.  Maybe it was just for shits and giggles with an open bar.  Maybe it was my sister-in-law’s idea so to get me completely out of the family.  No matter what the original plan was, it was foiled when Michael and I showed up to the church with our son, also not invited, and then left after the ceremony.  This girl didn’t get him alone.  She didn’t get to talk to him.  She didn’t get him back to her hotel.  In fact it wasn’t until a year later that we knew she had even been there.  This means that this girl traveled 100 miles and sat at a wedding that she didn’t really want to be at for absolutely nothing.  I wonder if they’re even still friends? I wonder if my sister-in-law realizes how used she was and how this girl manipulated her right out of being able to celebrate a milestone with her brother in attendance since there are no wedding pictures with him there.  I wonder if she can clearly see how her “friend” not only interfered with her big day, but with her family as well.  These girls lost that day.  And all I had to do is walk into a church…and walk back out.

The reason that I bring this up for all of the world to see is because this is an instance where you don’t engage in the bad behavior, but then you don’t fucking ignore it either.  You take as much action as reasonably, and gracefully, necessary to let people know where you stand.  You walk into the church, but then you let it go.

To this day my sister-in-law attempts to invite only my husband and my son to events as if that would make me disappear, or as if they would ever go, but turning a corner in my life means that this behavior of hers no longer bothers me.  This is huge for me.  I used to think that I couldn’t be happy until that relationship was “fixed”.  Or at least until she heard what I really had to say.  I would bounce between those thoughts and wracking my brain trying to understand what she could possibly hate about me since I’ve never done anything to her.  However, turning corners comes with a natural realization that we cannot control how people chose to express their hurt.  What she choses to see in me has nothing to do with me, it has to do with how she feels about herself.  All that we are ever responsible for is how, if, and when we chose to engage.

No matter if it is a stranger on the roadway, or it’s a family member, when there is abuse you walk away.  No matter what.  For everything else, you ignore.  You set your boundaries, you let people know where you stand, and then you ignore. Do not allow other people to suck you into their internal drama – instead you show them what peace looks like.  What would the world look like if we did this once a day?

Personal realizations is a wondrous and lovely thing.  It’s ok to feel wobbly from time to time.  You will still feel anger and disappointment, because we are human after all.  But the best thing about turning these corners is that they set you along a new and brighter path.  One that includes much more understanding of self.  One that constantly reminds you to be thankful for what and who you have, but also who you’ve become.  It opens so many doors of joy and possibilities to be discovered.  It’s a new thing for me this time around, no anti-depressants to take the edge off, just me trying to listen intently to my soul/higher self and trying to get it right when she talks to me.  If I look back, I can still see the corner because I’ve not progressed so far that it isn’t in my rearview…but then, why would I ever look back?

 

January

Happy 2016 everyone – the joy is all yours for the taking. So take it.

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