21 reasons why you are not happy right now (and how to change it)

Below is every single reason why you are not happy right this instant. Maybe right now you are not happy because one of these things is missing. Or maybe you stand at the precipice of change because you realize that all 21 of these things is missing from your life. I hear you. I’ve been there. I have had all 21 nailed down and saw astonishing results come into my life, and I’ve been missing more than half and spiraled down the rabbit hole.  This is how life teaches us about ourselves.

Whether or not you need a tune-up or a full on makeover, I hope that you join me in claiming the happiness that is our birthright, and understand this: it is so much easier to be happy than to be a miserable fuck. The same amount of energy is used.

Alas…21 reasons why you are not happy right now, and how to change it;


  1. You’re not living in the “now”

This may sound cliché, but when you’re living in the future you get anxiety, and when you’re living in the past, you get depression. In no other time but in the now do you have any influence. What’s done is done, and what’s coming is gonna come. The most intelligent way to live is to take the lessons of the past, and apply them to the future to avoid any further undesirable outcome. What this does is instill the confidence that you will have the intelligence, the courage and the ability to work with anything that comes at you.


2. You don’t get still

Meditating, praying, or just sitting in quiet and grounding yourself is where you get all of your answers. In the quiet you can hear your higher self tell you all that you need to know. We have within us all we need to be successful; we have to allow time for that information to come through. You cannot watch the Kardashians while searching YouTube and simultaneously snap chatting and think that you’ll come up with the answers to you quantum. That’s called avoidance. YouTube has wonderful guided meditations to get you started.


3. You’re not thankful for what you already have

Jesus please forgive me but I am so incredibly guilty of this. I have every single thing that I have ever prayed for, yet all I could concentrate on was getting to the “next level”.  Not unlike some video game, once I would attain one goal, I would recalibrate the next goal to be higher and never once take in the fact that I had achieved exactly what I once desired. That’s a horrible way to live.

Here’s what I learned, being thankful has to transcend the material gains and skillful goals that we set for ourselves. Gratitude really needs to start with the basics; you’re alive. God saw fit to give you another day for you to fulfill your Divine Purpose. No matter how bad things may get in life, there is always, always, always, always something to be grateful for, and what you think most about multiplies. The more grateful that you are, the more there will be things to be grateful for.


4. You’re not giving to others

There are two sayings that I metaphorically live by and still need to practice more; “To whom much is given, much is expected.” The second is; “when you have more than you need, build a longer table and not a higher fence.” Lack mentality is just that, a mentality. It is an illusion and is based in fear. Whenever I start to feel too self-centered, I will go out of my way to give something…anything.  Right now I have a few books on love and positivity that I mass ordered that are just laying around. I plan on going and sticking a few on a random windshields later today.  There is always something to give to others, even if it’s just a smile.

5. You don’t know what your life purpose is


You do know what it is but you’re denying it

Believe this; we all know what it is that we are here in this lifetime for. We get clues from our passions. We gravitate towards certain things and it lights us up from the inside. Where we go off track in living our Divine Purpose is that we either second guess those clues, or we never continue to take steps towards our purpose for fear of other’s opinions.

All we really have to do is to just take the next right action for us. Listen to our gut, set our creativity free, and not worry about if we can squeeze it to death to make a living from it or whether or not anyone is going to think we’re crazy. If your passion is whittling sticks, then whittle sticks until the next big idea for your whittling passion comes to you. God isn’t going to send you detailed directions all at once; you’re going to get your instructions by taking action and then listening for your next step.

A word of warning; If you chose not to take action towards your purpose, you will be uncomfortable for the rest of your days. Don’t be astonished if you get sick, if you live in depression, or if have a constant gnawing feeling on the inside that keeps you from being truly happy and fulfilled. It will suck. Hopefully you become courageous enough to just start no matter how small the action or how silly you feel.


6. You’re holding on to anger/resentment/sadness/all of the above

And here we have the Holy Grail of what makes life shitty. There is a very old saying that gets tossed around that says “holding on to anger is like drinking poison but hoping that the other person dies.” Replace anger with resentment or with lack of forgiveness, or whatever undesirable feeling that you want, it all leads to the same place; you being miserable and not living the full and rich life that you are meant to live. But if you really want to get healthy and get even at the same time, just remember this: A life well lived is the best revenge.


7. You haven’t separated from drama/negativity/toxicity/abuse

This is my favorite one. I live by this so much that it’s become very easy for me to just ghost out. I don’t care if toxic person is family, you never ever have to endure abuse. People who exhibit passive aggressive behavior, manipulation, narcissistic behavior, misogynistic behavior, emotional abandonment, emotional manipulation, and those who gaslight…are abusive and they are broken people who refuse to fix themselves so they try to manipulate you to not see that.  Most go a step further to make you believe that you are the one that’s insane or abusive. What happens then is you spend all the time that you could be making a strong and healthy life second guessing yourself…which is one of an abuser’s goals.  Sometimes the toxicity is more benign like someone teasing you and teasing you and teasing you to the point where you get mad and then they tamper your anger by telling you to “just take a joke” or that “you’re too sensitive”…guess what? That’s abuse.

Treating anyone in any other way than respect, love, compassion, and empathy is fucking abuse and you Do. Not. Have. To. Tolerate. It.  After attempting to fix more than my fair share of emotional abusers and manipulators, I now insist on the best behavior from all of my relationships.  Perhaps this is why I have so few relationships. Truth be told, I’m more than ok with that as I’d rather have 4 quarters over 100 pennies, because I once had 300 pennies and only 1 quarter and my life sucked.


8. You go around people who drain you 

Ok so they’re not really abusive, and are only borderline toxic, but they don’t really add any value to your life either. These may be the people, who are nice to you now, but there was some previous injustice and yet they continue to keep it shoved squarely under the rug and you can just feel how badly they hope you don’t ever bring it up.  These are also the people who monopolize your time complaining but never make any changes. They can be the people who unknowingly slowly siphon off your energy until you feel depleted, at which time they leave.

Limit interactions with these people and enact clear boundaries. Maybe you can have dinner with them, but a girls trip out of town together is a firm no.


9. You don’t insist on the best

This means only investing time, energy, and money into positive experiences that will grow you instead of mindlessly consuming crap, or throwing money at things because someone is pressuring you. It means reading a book over mentally checking out over trash television. It means going for a run instead of killing an entire 6 pack after work. It also means that you expect to be treated well in all personal and professional relationships because that’s how you treat others. It means not settling for a job over a meaningful career and leaving a stagnant relationship because you both want different things out of life. (I promise you that it isn’t your last shot at true love.) Never ever settle.


10. You’re not exercising…or having sex

This is self-explanatory. With all of the science out there, you don’t really need me to break it down for you do you?


11. You’re worrying about things outside of your control

I come from a very long line of worriers. They were probably thinking in terms of she who worries the most cares the most. However worrying is just like repressed emotions, it serves only to damage our psyche. It stops us from really living and allowing others in our lives to fully express themselves. I can’t tell you how many things I didn’t do or how many times I talked others out of what they wanted to do all because I worried about things that I couldn’t control.  Yes there is such a thing as calculated risk, but then there is also such a thing as being a slave to your imagined fears. If you have zero control over something then you have to let it go. You have to. Anything else is madness.


12. You say yes when you really want to say no

The whole commit when you feel on the spot and then find an excuse to cancel later bit is an old hat. All it does is piss people off because they were counting on you to be there. It’s much easier to just say no in the first place. Eventually, people will stop asking you to do what they know you don’t really want to do. You teach people what you value by what you show up for.


13. You’re using money wrong

The power that we hold as consumers is the most influential and important power that we have in the physical world.  How many industries would fold if we woke up to value not only ourselves, but all of humanity? What you spend your money on says everything about what you as a person value. When you have all that you buy and none of it makes you happy, your house is full of crap that you can’t remember buying and you’re scared to go to the mailbox, you need to ask yourself why you are buying and contributing to over consumption of worthless objects.

It may seem time consuming to analyze every purchase, but eventually you’ll just operate on default because you’ll be in alignment with bringing your deepest desires to fruition. If there is any question as to whether or not a purchase is going to bring you closer or further away from your dreams and goals, then don’t buy it. Please take it from a former shopping addict who got herself out of $8,000 in credit card debt at the age of 21, the momentary high is not worth it. As soon as I figured out that I was shopping to buy things to help me fit in because I was feeling insecure during a huge life change, the shopping stopped. Now I only go in to a store if I really need something and it’s so funny how infrequently I need things.

Financial insecurity is very costly, too much of our lives hinder on our financial intelligence and our credit history. Take your power back by spending your money on things and experiences that matter.


14. You are waiting for someone’s permission or validation to do what you really want to do in life

Whether you’re waiting for your mother to tell you to that your dream is worthwhile or you’re waiting to win the lotto before you begin to actually live, the irony is that validation and money doesn’t usually come until after you begin doing what you love, or at least taking steps towards it. But the most ironic is by then you don’t really care if you have anyone’s approval anyway.


15. You put yourself last

This is that whole you-have-to-put-your-own-oxygen-mask-on-first or you-can’t-give-from-an-empty-well bit. These phrases are easy to grasp in the logic, but practicing it takes fortitude. To this day, I find it hard to leave work and go ride my horse. This is despite Dylan more than likely is in the moment playing cars or watching dinosaur movies, and isn’t really missing me.  You have to get comfortable with fulfilling your own personal needs – with balance so they’re not met at the expense of others – to be the best human that you can be, so that all of that great humanism can fall all over the rest of us. With so many things that can be automated and outsourced, there is no real reason to be so tired, drained, or wired anymore. Take the time to figure out what it is that you need, and then practice good time management to go and get it done.


16. You consume mainstream media too much

Michael and I made the decision to terminate our satellite contract two years ago. We were becoming slaves to our DVR and when we would look up it would be 3am. It’s like we were only living in between one program’s season finale for another’s season premier.  We opt to have a smart-TV, but not having cable forced us to become selective over what we watch and how often because a lot of the crappy options were removed from choice. Now we’re not subject to commercials, and by not being indoctrinated we’ve become much smarter about what we expose ourselves to. When it comes to world events, we no longer feel the urgency to click on sensationalized headlines. If something interests us, we actually research it from multiple and vastly different sources and make up our own mind. It’s interesting how much smarter we got when we cut the cord.


17. You don’t clean your house

I will admit that keeping a house clean is much easier than getting started, but I promise you once you get into a routine it is a breeze and you won’t want it any other way. My family and I deserve to live in a clean and clutter free environment. My family and I deserve to always have clean clothes and clean floors. I may not scrub my baseboards on the 1st of every month, but I’m never embarrassed if someone stops by. You and your family deserve this too.

Home keeping is next to Godliness in my humble opinion. I repeat this to myself if I don’t feel like doing something. It helps me remember to be a good steward over the home and family that God gave me. The routine and tools do not have to be fancy, there just has to be a routine and some tools. Besides, in today’s age there is so much inspiration out there. (HGTV anyone!) I get my inspiration by searching “home cleaning routines” in YouTube while I’m folding laundry. There are so many great ideas and good habits to be learned that after a while, it will just become a way of life.


18. You come up with excuses to stay miserable

The power of the mind can be used in any manner in which you see fit. You can talk yourself out of change just as much as you can talk yourself into it. The inner monologue is where it starts. Do not stay miserable just because you think that it’s more comfortable than change. If you don’t take actionable steps daily, no matter how small, to create your change, change will be created for you. You can count on it. From personal experience, I’d rather be someone who is in control over my actions then be forced into the position to only be in control over my reactions.


19. You’re intolerant of other people’s life choices

Seriously…this is a first class ticket to nowhere.  Going back to #11, you have no choice in how someone else lives, or say in what tickles their fancy. Not your kids, not your ex husband. If you really think about how much time is spent judging other people and their decisions we could walk around the globe three times. It’s a sheer mismanagement of energy. Just as long as they are not hurting you, you really shouldn’t care too much past wishing them well.


20. You watch other people make good moves and get jealous when you compare yourself

This one is great.  Story time: I used to know a girl my age that wore all designer clothes, had all designer bags. She shopped so much that she had a storage unit. She attempted to project the image that she had it all and had it all together to cover her insecurity.  She would spend her entire paycheck on gaming systems for her child, yet her credit was shot and her wages were garnished. Both she and her son slept on couches in her grandmother’s living room for years because she could not pay rent or electric. She even came to lose the storage unit too.

I will never forget the day that she began to hate me; it started when she toured my single girl apartment. Out of the corner of my eye her jealousy was palpable as she looked around. Here is what she saw that pissed her off: The comfortable physical manifestations of self security that comes from nurtured independence which my good choices had produced. Plus she knew that I could see right through her façade.  Rebounding from a divorce aside, I had worked diligently and took my rebound seriously as a fresh start to build who I truly am from the inside out. I think that ticked her off too. However, whether or not she knew any of that, from that day on she was the most malicious, deceitful, and underhanded bitch that I had ever met.  Still to this day, no one can top her. Obviously, ties were cut for good because see #7.

Am I guilty of comparing myself to someone else and feeling a little envy? For sure! But I’m mature enough to realize that I will never know just how many different choices and sacrifices went into who that person has become now. While I’ve indulged myself in the the “should have/could have” illusion before, the way out of that indulgence is to set a timer, feel it, and then move out of it. If you think about how arbitrary some choices actually are, and how powerfully they can alter an entire course of events, you should take some comfort in the fact that we never really know what would have happened had we made a different one.  Compound that with the Free will of others that plays into our existence here on earth, and well that shit is just too unpredictable and infinite to sit here spending our fleeting time comparing ourselves against one another…so why bother.

Do yourself a service, and don’t hate on anyone for what they have or have accomplished based on sheer determination. You have the same ability.


21. You fail to fully understand the power of yourself

The bottom line that can feel overwhelming in its truth is that you have the power. You hold every card, every encounter, every action, reaction, and reason as to where you go, who you go with and why. Free will of others and events out of our control make us feel otherwise, but you will learn that it all eventually comes back to us. Once you fully grasp this concept, it’s unreal what you can accomplish – I’ll prove it to you, flip everything I just said above into the positive;

You fully grasp just how powerful you are. You watch others make good moves and feel joyful over their accomplishments. You pay attention to feelings of envy as indicators that you can do more than what you are currently doing, so you set out to excavate exactly what it is that you want to work on by getting still and letting the ideas come to you. You have time to do this because you exercise extreme diligence over what and who you allow your mind to be exposed to. You use your power as a consumer to live a comfortable life and have plenty of money because you make good choices and aim to keep your spaces clutter free. You don’t wait for anyone’s approval to put your own health and personal needs first, and this makes you more receptive to the pleasure of exercise and sex. You are too busy with living a good life that fulfills your Divine Purpose to be intolerance of anyone’s life choices, or anything for that matter that lies outside of your control.

See? – the choice is yours.




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