Five years in counting since I entered therapy. The feelings before arriving to therapy were ones of extreme excitement, and total dread. “Wow.” I thought to myself.” I am going to be able to get the help I need in order to grow and produce the type of life I dream of.” The other part thought “ Wow, I get to face all of my hurts and try not to bleed from the inside out.” Thankfully the side of me that enjoys a challenge is a bit stronger than the side that does not.
One of the beautiful things that presented itself to me while attending therapy was that I am a writer. It came about by the practice of law of attraction. It was a surprise, but the usage enabled me to bring this skill forward. I learned that writing is embedded into the blue print of my soul. When I first embarked upon this discovery it was grossly overwhelming. To have a tool that I was able to use instantly to define the array of emotions that go on within me was a hard pill to swallow. My mind had trouble believing that there was a way for me to express myself that no one could stop. I would be allowed to write whatever it is that I wanted. That I had the freedom to speak whatever is it that my heart and body felt. Wow, just wow.
For those who know me, and know of my past freedom was not something I had the privilege of experiencing. I come from a very controlling family, which is a kind way to explain it. Expression, love, hope, romance, travel, along with the expression “the world is your oyster “ were the direct opposite ways of my truth as a child. If I could give a sentence or two to embody the message given to me it is that” I will confine you, and make sure that the message I am giving you will portray itself for the rest of your life.” That message was a lovely one given to me by my parents, and a very tough one to break. It was as though I entered this world as a newborn with a sentence to life behind bars. There was no other way. Freedom was not an option. Manipulation, control, alienation, and abuse were my options.
When you are an baby born into the life that you are, you develope into the things surrounding you. When I went to therapy, and learned of law of attraction I realized that anything could become possible with the thoughts that I chose to think. It was amazing! From there I started breaking the limiting thought patterns that I had adopted from my parents. Magic began to occur. More exciting things that I didn’t even ask the universe for came to me. That is where my story began with writing. I started to believe that life was not as closed off and confined as I lived it to be. While I started to see this, I found a blog that I thoroughly loved. The author was a writer who wrote about living a positive life. She wrote about her personal story of change by using law of attraction, and by choosing your thoughts. It was such a treasure for me to find. While rebuilding my life I found a blog that I could use to help. The author had personal experience with all the things I just started to embark upon.
After a bit of time I started to write to the author, and in doing so it was evident that I myself was a writer. That I had been so drawn to her (by the law of attraction) because we are very similar. I had been so glued into her message not only because it was helping me but because God was working his message to me through her. Through back of fourth conversations to her I started to write myself. I sent her some of the things that I had written, and with her encouragement/guidance I had began to start writing a book about my life. I even dedicated myself to taking over the blog that she had originally started. ( The blog you are currently reading 🙂 )
But here lies the trouble….
Writing is open. It is not hidden or confined in a box. It will scream the truth. In fact it will scream MY truth. Truth is clear. It is blunt. Your personal truth is not to be debated. It stands out there right in front of you. The truth makes me look at myself. Writing makes me look at myself. On one end it is so liberating. I grew up in my own personal prison cell, and now I have a tool that enables me out of it. I can share with the world anything my heart desires. On the other end the type of writing that I do is a clear message straight from my heart and mind. Liberating yes, but open and scary as well.
I lived a caged life. It was closed, and there was no key. Somehow out of the residue that got left around I was able to form a key and finally get out. I suppose the real question here is how does one write and live an uncaged life, when all this bird has ever known is confinement? I hope some of you can relate.