Like all people we choose our lives before we come to earth to live out our soul contract. The life that I chose for myself to have was one of an arduous path. From the time I took my first breath until the age of twenty-one was a journey of survival. My father was an emotionally neglectful alcoholic, and my mother suffered from undiagnosed mental illness. Through this I endured extreme emotional abuse, physical abuse, sexual abuse, and neglect. I was the fourth of five children, and though we bonded together to get through the journey the pain of our childhood took over some of my siblings. Mental illness, addictions, anger issues, control issues, isolation, and suicide attempts became the aftermath of this.
For myself I can say until about the age of twenty I avoided most of the pain. I managed to keep myself on a steady path no matter how tumultuous it became. I had it set in my mind that I was going to survive, and find any way to do so. I spent most of my time taking care of my siblings. Whether that meant joining my sister to her therapy appointments, visiting my brother at rehab, or picking an argument purposely with my parents to deflect them from getting to my siblings I did. Anything I needed to do to ensure our safety until we could all get away I did it. I became a professional at hiding and deflecting so that one day I could fly free and get away. Little did I know that when I flew free that I would remain imprisoned. The pain that I had shoved so far deep into my core began surfacing itself. It was like a volcano that had been brewing for so many years, had finally come out. It came out in the form of heavy drinking, reckless behavior, and major irresponsibility. Anything I could do to avoid feeling the darkness wallowing inside of me.
Through practice of living a positive life coupled with therapy I learned how to change my life, and become the person I am today. My hope is to reach out to inspire people who have gone through suffering to show you can that you can change your life. We are all given obstacles, and no matter how dark it may seem to be at times there is always light. I would like to be a positive example for you of how things can be. I once had a person say to me, “Maybe I am just one of the people where life is meant to be lonely and hard.” Though disheartening to hear this I fully assured them that this is not the truth. We are the creators of our reality. y goal is to lend you hope and faith through my story that you CAN heal, and live the beautiful positive life that we all deserve.